Are you truly satisfied?

As much as it is a soul searching post and gut busting for me, and as cheezy as this question may seem to you, are you satisfied?

Have you had this question resonating in you head like I did?

True satisfaction can be such a great desire in someone's heart that it yearns for it. Like mine. I surely have been yearning for it. I think ever since that I realized that grasses are always greener on the other side I have yearned to be filled. I feel my heart's content being revealed from old experiences and I have come to realize that for many years, I have allowed this wondering heart to look for it in all the wrong places. places I'm not proud of. from consuming friends to family to other relationships, fame and waddling in sins of envy, jealousy, from self-centredness and lust. what a confession huh? haha.. pheww..

ALL THIS friends, was abuse just for an exchange to be truly and fully satisfied; I'm sure many of you can resonate with me in this. When I think back about it, a deep clarity of truly knowing the depth of a yearning soul would come to me. it is truly powerful. One of the most magnificent masterpiece of God's creation in unique human beings when He called us 'fearfully and wonderfully made' in the Psalms.

Yet what's is so dangerous about is that it I feel like it imitates our deceitful heart. It takes us to places that is of instant gratification that abusively leaves us craving for more, like with my past struggles. These places of greed, self-centredness and lust that our soul dies not to go yet our own flesh is too weak to let them go.

The wonder of the soul is not merely because its strength to yearn but because of its power to be filled. our soul is a vehicle to the satisfaction of our heart. the creator of this soul says in Psalm 23:2 that, ' I shall not be in want'. I was watching on TV, a sermon clip from Pastor John Hagee this week and he said that God is able to keep this ever thirsting soul from being in want because He alone can fill the needs this soul could ever yearn for. ;D

Wow, I was deeply encouraged. My desire to share about this weak spirit of mine and raw choices that I have made in the past is so that you will be encouraged to come close to this God that truly satisfies and not have to be consumed by wants. a genuine release of .. PHEEWWWW.. :) lemme hear an amen ..

thanks for reading :)

Claiming the Promise of the treasure of the Jars of Clay

2 Corinthians 4
The Light of Christ’s Gospel
1 Therefore, since we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we do not lose heart. 2 But we have renounced the hidden things of shame, not walking in craftiness nor handling the word of God deceitfully, but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. 3 But even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, 4 whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them. 5 For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord, and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus’ sake. 6 For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.


7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. 8 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— 10 always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 11 For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 12 So then death is working in us, but life in you.
13 And since we have the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, “I believed and therefore I spoke,”[a]we also believe and therefore speak, 14 knowing that He who raised up the Lord Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus, and will present us with you. 15 For all things are for your sakes, that grace, having spread through the many, may cause thanksgiving to abound to the glory of God.

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, 18 while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.




"Paul is not addressing here the frivolous minds in compromising, nor is he referring to those who squander their lives in self-indulgent living, nor is he speaking to the narrow-minded hypocrites; these words are meant for the soldiers of the cross, those who understands what it means to love, to sacrifice, or even to suffer, oh dear one are grasping the significance of this fabulous promise? ..." - Ellerslie Honour


Are we letting life be numbed and vacuumed into earthly pleasures or are we willing to bear the weight of living for His glory and honour? What does it mean to be a Christian?

What a weighty mission to grasp and grip tightly to these promises huh?! I was struck and humbled for sure seeing the vid and reading over the passage again! But hey friends :), keep on claiming these treasures!! :)

and so learning to teach begins.... :)

Have recently been taking a full year UT course on Teaching a Second Language. And for those who really truly aspire to teach kids and teenagers, I geniunely feel that this course is something you'll enjoy (c'mon now don't kid yourself! hahaah) and seriously sooo appropriate for preparing a mind ready to inspire ready-little minds in a elementary school setting or preparing minds of high school kids for the real world out there. I'm so excited aobut taking it right now cuz I'm learning so much!! come talk to me if you wanna know more! :D It has only been three weeks of class but I feel like I'm already thinking differently about learning in general and I eagerly anticipate about what my mind will be opened to next.dan dan dan!!! :D

So class experience, there is more class interaction than I expected initially, which i love! the many perspectives and philosophies about teaching shared just TODAY in-class just blew my mind! :) Really, today was my first time feeling people talking actually care about 'teaching' like gosh! hehehe if you know what I mean...:P Today when one of my classmates was talking, there was a genuine 'uptightness' in the vibe she gave away in the way she spoke; I almost sensed a thirst when she talked her hurtles and fear of feeling inadequate to become a good teacher --> one of our topics of discussion during class. That classmate kinda rocked the whole 'peaceful' class atmosphere a little bit with her passionate and quite confident tone of voice, but throughout her whole 1 min quick spiel, I was like: 'she really believes in what she says!' what passion seriously...and plus it is extremely rare to find such vulnerability in a secular world like this nowadays, especially in a class that has just begun where you don't really know anyone at all yet. Then I though to myself ->we are in dire need of ppl such as these to claim to be teachers.

One of our textbooks is just inspirational in that it brings a message of hope towards new real-life practical strategies for teaching, despite failures from past teaching styles. One quote from the text Teaching and Learning Languages by Anthony Mollica that inspired me personally goes on like this(p.42):

'Language is much more than grammar. It is more than a way of structuring thought. It is a way of signifying our deepest feelings, our most sincere beliefs. Each time I learn a word (says Mollica) which has no translation into another language, I feel that I have discovered a rare gift, a fresh insight..'

Thanks for reading, and hope you guys were able to be somewhat inspired or impacted by the idea of in this post. ....... .......... or maybe even think of teaching in the future as well? :]

Keeping workin' the mind on this fascinating topic! Cheers :}

:)

A recent flaming fuel for the recent walk.. :) Our God continues to prove His faithfulness in the awesomeness of His love and power.

It is well with my soul ... :)

listen to this:



"... it in the quiet crucibles of your personable private sufferings that your noblest dreams are born and God's greatest gifts are given in compensation of what you have been through. "

- Wintley Phips

Loving People to Christ

more from: The Jesus I Never Knew

"According to this parable, Jesus knew that the world he left behind would included the poor, the hungry, the prisoners, the sick. The decrepit state of the world did not surprise him. He made plans to cope with it: a long-range plan and a short-range plan. The long-range plan involves his return, in power and great glory, to straighten out planet earth. The short-range plan means turning it to the ones who will ultimately usher in the liberation of the cosmos. He ascended so that we would take his place." p. 233

The parable this passage is talking about is taken from Matthew 25, the last parable before Jesus's ascension. What I love so much about this passage is how he speaks about we as Christians, His name bearers have a part in completing his work after his ascension. I was at a really great wedding on this past Saturday and the officiating pastor said something that touched a place really deep in my walk with Jesus. He said we are first and foremost called to be a Christians and His image-bearers in our life that need continuous refinement and work before He will use us to do great things for Him. As I kept searching my heart, I was asking myself, what needed refinement and work and what hindered me from bearing His name in a way that is pleasing to Him? All the questions stemmed back from my desire to bring people to know Christ. But how has been the question that is always so humbling to me because from experience it requires such a patient process of self-denial. I have been convicted to realize it is by learning how to love the people first and love them more than the idea of telling them the gospel that lives can be changed. The story of Zachias is one of my favorite portrayals of how Jesus extended love to bring sinners to Himself. He noticed Zachias on a tree and knowing about his unlikeable acts of inflicting pain in people by profitting illegal money off of them, Jesus called him down from the tree and made Himself available to show him he was accepted by Him despite his perpetuating acts of injustice and sins. I see such great importance in showing Christ's love to the lost as to show Himself and to love people to Christ. The Great Commission in the end of the book of Matthew that we are to make disciple from all nations. By working through us to love the lost to Him is one of the remarkable reasons according to Jesus I Never Knew is why He ascended to heaven.

Bethany Dillon

Bethany Dillon

Shared via AddThis

What I Miss ...

The past 5 weeks of being away in Sherbrooke has been really surreal; experiencing things in a way that's never experienced before, it was breath taking. Being obliged to speak in French all day, haha.. good times and interesting at the same time! ahaha... In a way still feel like I wanna keep breathing everything in. I really miss the mountains and hills of the small city (& describing the scenery en français in my final project), being able to walk to downtown from the mid-town campus in less than an hour and kinda visualize familiar GO-TO places because sherbrooke is just tiny enough. Everything from groceries to drugstore to bars :P to movies (I lied, one of them ;) ) is so accessible by foot compared to our GTA and being able to see the sunset every night because of where the campus is located. and not to mention, the people I've had the chance to meet and spend 5 weeks day in and day out with, just makes me nostalgic again just by talking about it..haha. feel like I wanna recapture and relive some of the moments! how ideal! hahaha.. I definitely miss it!!!

But coming back home, as I've started processing about my experience there and about people I've been honoured to meet and befriend, God had been revealing something new to me. Something that's worth losing words for! He knows that I've discovered a deeper kind of love for Him and this world that has yet to know His redeeming love. There's this unceasing holy discontent in me called forth to reach out to the lost, the ones who seem to be living in complete luxury but are far from being filled in the soul. Yes, a burning passion to love them, to reach out! Being in the midst of crazy lifestyles, there definitely were times that He totally came through for me so that I could be sane. It's really not a hard thing to lose focus during the course of a lifetime without His protection. When you choose Christ over any other side s according to what this world values and deems reasonable it's even harder. Cuz the devil is also at work against those are for His pleasure and His kingdom.

My yearning from this trip (besides of course To Keep Up the French, hopefully! haha :) ), is to keep falling in love with this great God and be humbly led to please Him!

This new song from Bethany Dillon's new album (Everyone to know)
triggered me to want to share this post with you all!

can be found on itunes/ http://www.bethanydillon.com/

Recent reflection from a recent journey

Behold, I have engraved your name on the palms of my hands.

Isaiah 49:16

From "Tested by Fire" - John Piper

"Suffering in the path of Christian obedience, with joy - because the steadfast love of the Lord is better than life (Psalm 63:3) - is the clearest display of the worth of God in our lives. Therefore, faith-filled suffering is essential in this world for the most intense, authentic worship. When we are most satisfied with God in suffering, he will be most glorified in us in worship. Our problem is not styles of music. Our problem is styles of life. When we embrace more affliction for the worth of Christ, there will be more fruit in the worship of Christ."

From "The Jesus I Never Knew" - Philip Yancey


What amazes me about this book is not it's deep theological abstractions, even though its merits are rightfully in place, but it's the personal relationship I am able to observe between him and God as he writes through continuously discovering things about Jesus he didn't know before; characterized by doubts and frustrations expressed through event's of his own life or of others. Reading this book, (having one more chapter to go only), makes me think about my life and question myself if I courageously grip onto my existing relationship with God, facing Him upfront, dialogging with Him and re-discovering who He is, even in my greatest hardships in life, like Yancey himself, Job and Tolsoy, Luther, Lewis... or do I just spiritually shrink back in my own, narrow little mind --> self-pity? Here we see Jesus making his relationship with His Father Centre from life to the point of death, even as 'His time has come.'

Humility
It makes my heart ache and frustrates me when thinking about humility because of my recent realization of its true superiority that's so hard to live out, but senses that comes from my deep desire to know it intimately and to learn to live it out transparently. Much of this conviction and realization comes from understanding Jesus in this book. Much of what defines Jesus is true humility who lived it out perfectly --> His boldness and determined acts of install his kingdom in flipping upside down the jewish religious system of the Sanhedrins and his vulnerability on the cross (not saving Himself from being crucified) that created a place of forgiveness and that had given a clearer view on what His kingdom is truly like. Ironically, it was the one of the 2 murderers crucified with Him that saw clearly of what it was like and what the whole Jesus coming down to earth was all about, therefore, were one of the very few that responded the most properly to Jesus's purpose on earth.

ch 10
pg 203

" Thieves crucified on either side of Jesus showed two possibles responses. One mocked Jesus's powerlessness: A Messiah who can't even save himself? The other recognized a different kind of power. Taking the risk of faith,he asked Jesus to"remember me when you come into your kingdom.: No one else, except in mockery, had addressed Jesus as a king. The dying thief saw more clearly than anyone else the nature of Jesus's kingdom."

----------------------------
Rivals with Hollywood

There's a new nationwide Christian movie that came out, called: The Secrets of Jonathan Sperry and during an interview with one of the actors Kirk Cameron (who's also starring in Hollywood Film Fireproof, who came to know Christ himself was asked if all the Hollywood's critiques against the Chrisitian Genre Films bother Him. "It used to bother me a lot more than it does now," he said. "I really don't care because I've come to a conviction in my own heart." [ABC News] What was astounding to me was hearing him also say in his interview that this conviction has led him to realize and believe that there's only a few people that he wants to please.

{more on the movie coming soon...}
That was powerful.
From all this, I see that true Humility is driven by a conviction from God and it drives us to place of willingness to work with what God is doing in people's lives. Not lagging behind, not jumping ahead, but humbly walking beside His Majesty and completely tuning in to what He is doing.
"I think that that's the most wonderful thing about doing the things that I like to do," he said. "Be a part of something God is doing to change the lives of other people." [Hollywood Actor - Kirk Cameron]

CAPTIVATED
with a child-like faith, a pursuit of Who He is of a life time :)
Always Father, always Lover

Not my righteousness but Yours - dying to myself

<sup>My heart has been the expression of this great verse! :)

8</sup> Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; ¹⁰ that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death..

Philippians 3:8-10 (NKJV)

after meeting up with carms and mike wong yesterday, talking and praying over cc stuff, the idea as 'worship coordinator' and what that role entails finally hit home. scary at first.

A day later today, the idea 'dying to myself' hit me even more greatly. it was time to humble myself as i began realizing that God is looking straight through me. He knew that one of my greatest weaknesses has always been myself. don't get me wrong. i do realize it's something we all struggle with frankly. when God asks us to 'pick up our cross and following Him,' the battle with the self has already begun.

Allow me to share with you though. I'd tried many a times in the past including this time serving for cc to rely on my own goodness, pleasing people, my own self - righteousness to get the job done. Heart totally misplaced. It hit home real Hard.

pain is being felt right now as He painfully tears down my "impurity of heart" and the "thirst and hunger of self- righteousness" before He will begin to build good and fitting qualities to be his servant. Yet what I'm extremely thankful is that amidst the pain, I feel like I have become mindful of this God which helps commit to following hard after him no matter what he's tearing away from me.

knowing full well my strong and deep desire for excellence and righteousness in Him, He has in turn reminded me that there's no righteousness in me apart from the righteousness Christ's blood has redeemed me with. Therefore even light of excellence, there's none of that what so ever that can be strive for apart from conform to having faith in Him and humbly dying to myself allowing Him to lead me into excellence.

As I begged God to help me collect my thoughts and emotions, i felt enabled to connect with these really feelings of stress, fear, insecurities, lack of faith, pride, selfish ambitions, negativity I had in my heart. I felt a sense of peace and I prayed to lose my heart in order to gain His.

it's time to lay them down

Entering into God's presence has always been JOY at its purest form for me. nothing that trump that. nothing. as I did devos these past 2 weeks in between or prior to my studying sessions, God has revealed Himself to me in new and quite the challenging ways; given His full knowledge of I have been facing recently. boy He knows! :P

¹⁰ "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom,
and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

Proverbs 9:10 (NIV)

I was sharing with a friend today about me asking God for wisdom and discernment. as I was saying these words and feeling a sense of pride that I'm getting my hands dirty and ready to learn to live IN this world although I'm not OF it, I knew deep inside, my desire for those virtues fell short of solely wanting them for His glory, more like to please men. I was like wow. I knew that God knew this weakness of mine and He gave me real reality check of where He was in my life. I found my confidence being misplaced. from Him to this world; my friends, myself, etc. Characteristics as good as those can with a flick of dust turn into pure idolatry when it becomes for selfish gain instead of for the glory of God. It's so easy to get away with the excuse that it is for the sake of unity and making peace with friends and fellow brother and sisters. Yet exuding anything that is centred around anything apart from God Alone is idolatry. And when we make an idol out of anything : even godly virtues such as these, is still SIN. God also clearly said He is a jealous God who hates sin and idols our nature that are constantly made to satisfy the comfort of our human nature. comfort. Does this even occur to you as a real problem?

I have been asking myself.

Am I alive everyday for God?

Or am I living in this world but becoming OF this world as well?

During devos this week, God has showed me that wisdom to deal with this world I'm living in is nothing apart from being centred around learning to giving all my respect for His name first. As wisdom initially came from God Himself, the wisest person whose heart seeks to please him or herself, in turn can only be the greatest fool in the eyes of God, is he/she not? To be more bold, {how can he/she not be in all contexts?} When we allow ourselves to become more familiar with who God is and are willing to let Him conform our hearts to whatever He pleases, won't we then come to realize that we are nothing apart from Him? And never will be. However, have we also realized that the world has allured us into thinking that He is nothing apart from Us. Have we made ourselves god. and molding Him in to our own images? Can you face God upfront right now and say that you haven't? I have. and it is precisely why I felt I had to post this today. Like me, if you have, then let me ask you again, then why do you confess, keep singing and declaring that 'we live for your glory God' BEFORE acknowledging these sins and brokenness to Him first?

Are we still negotiating with Him about how we are going live our lives according to our worldly wisdom or are we willing to start to pay attention to our own brokenness in order to work out our salvation.

REAL REALITY CHECK. God being the very Centre of reality.

Recent Battles -

yes! to finally posting again.

Have you ever felt that you've been enjoying the process of reaching milestones after milestones of growth until one day things quickly go downhill and before you know it, you're back on day 1. arghhh.. Yes I have been battling with so many of my weaknesses (money! I suck at that :P) being relatively materialistically high maintenance, i humbly have to admit that either I don't spend money, but when i do, it's usually on nice things that are expensive to be most direct :P It's truly humbling and sobering these couple of days when I realized that I'm serious broke.I cannot be more serious!! arghh..not good! People usually know when I'm embarrassed but this is really kinda tough to face. But the more I think about this struggle and why I'm struggling, an inkling sparked in me saying: "Keep fighting, the battle is not done yet." I knew it was God's voice; the same voice that was cheering on King David and strengthening him when he battled against his enemies.

I feel like I'm in the same boat as King David in 2 Samuel, battling against my greatest enemies. The whole book talks about the king being chased after by people that either envied Him, including his son or friends that him or Saul had once offended. He had to leave Jerusalem and escape from place to place. He has wounded the heart of God and betrayed people like Uriah that once respected him so much.

I'm far from physically finding myself in a battling field, :) but all the events that David faced in 2 Samuel described the roller coasters that has been going around in cirlces in my head. My soul felt like being chased after by weaknesses that I know I cannot battle on my own.

2 Samuel 19:2

And for the whole army the victory that day was turned into mourning, because on that day the troops heard it said, "The king is grieving for his son."

What can cause greater despair and grief than to lose a son. Every sense of victory stripped away and mourning came upon David. However in the rest of the chapters, you can see his change of heart and mind and begins to praise to God again when he battled. God did continue to be faithful in bringing him ultimate victory wherever he went; who turned his mourning into dancing and weakness into strength. This is encouraging because the same God is great in battle when I face my giant and enemies who will bring me victory wherever I need to fight. amen.

resting in grace...

missing dad :P

resting in grace..

having the time of my life getting to know who Jehovan Jireh, Jesus, Wonderful Counsellor, Mighty God, Healer, Shepherd, Lover is....

A grounded vision

So what is it? - it is a vision that motivated by 'who God is' [reality in its purest yet most macroscopic form]. It's always aimed and assured that it's followed through by the daily God-given means of reality. It is always guided by the daily whispers of God.

Thanks for those dear ones who know me as a true visionary, yet who've loved enough to always speak truth and have kept me grounded. :)

Thanks God.

Genesis "Shhhhhh.... " Winter Retreat 09

roasted marshmallows in - 15 degrees Celsius

You cannot imagine how blessed I was to be able to reunite with people that are this dear to me. Genesis hasn't just been a fellowship I grew up in as a university freshman @ TCCC; it has been like home to me. forever will be. It's like back in the day, I used to say it's like my second family. These people have seen me laugh, cry, fall, lost in a rut, and stand back up and still stood by. Thanks for keeping me grounded guys! It's definitely a blessing to be back home again after a new semester at CCF on campus. WHY the most intriguing and memorable was girl talk I must say. fun times gals..Always seem like the last one to shut up! Well usually... only at retreat though, promise.. haha

Thanks guys for a challenging yet rewarding weekend.

Enjoy the memories made ---> :D

...dinner time.. with lotsa potato and cheese ... mmm.. favourite combo:P

.....haha my favourite shot of Janice 'seemingly' having caught the apple with her mouth but really didn't..hahaha :P

evie and matt :)

each one in their distinct spots, thinking their distinct thoughts...hehe..like that!

it's me, bonjour!

gen and me :)

cutesies

mandy and me squatting on the frozen river :)