Getting Over the Sun

The beginning of a new adventure :) How is your walk? Let's walk :)

2011-11-14T08:53:00.001-08:00

As many of you know, Korea ended up passing for me this year. I am still physically in Toronto, the uneasiness has finally as I succumbed to understanding His greater plan for me and I begin to have peace with staying here. As scary uncertainty is and will be :P I know that it is God calling me to step out in faith anyway. Breath of relief. :)

Just this past Tuesday at the vocation workshop held at Grace, my overwhelming wave of shock, disbelief, expectations, anxiety have finally settled its way into a peaceful understanding that He is truly and was truly and will truly always be my All in All. The night was basically finding people in the same profession and share about experiences and insights. The room was split into to four smaller sections in the Arts Field. I was a bit skeptical at first, worrying that it would be another shallow exchange of professional struggles without reaching a conclusion to any of them. How wrong was I? Everyone shared openly to each other the hardest things they need to face when it comes to how to pleasing God at work. A great experience.

Relationships is also a big thing I am learning. There's a lot of challenges when learning an art as grand as this. Love. We cannot go by handling relationships without at least a bit of love. I'm challenged to say a lot of love. :) I'm learning and it's comforting as He reminds me to walk humbly with Him and ready to put others before my own needs. I'm not there yet but I'm glad there is such a faithful and loving God humbling me each step of the way. He is the very definition of love and His is there. Understanding more of how unworthy of His love I am in my battles of sin, I am compelled to treasure every act of love I can show to those He has brought in my life. Thanks Father. More on Love. Stay tuned. :)

Job hunting and being a home with so much time in my hands gets mundane and a little lonely sometimes. I realized I am not quite used to having so much time in my hands. Sigh. It has also been really hard at home recently and dealing with my mom. God luck Phila lol which adds on to the loneliness 10, 20 fold! Father, create in me a new heart that You fill it with the fullness of your Joy (Nehemiah 8) In Jesus's holy and powerful name, Amen.

I know is exactly what He has called me to work through.

Faith tells me I will not fall no matter how trying this season of my life is because He is with me. :) Let's GO :)

And koodos to my smallgroup at NT! I see truly community here! I LOVE IT! Thanks for being community to me and the most tangible channel of support and familial love and for bearing with my crazy having 5000 friends on Facebook. It's still a lie Kwan! haha It I love you guys and want to grown more with you! I'm excited!

A companion verse recently :) LOVE IT!

7 For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.

8 Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord or of me His prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel according to the power of God.

2 Timothy 1:7 (NASB)

How is your walk? Let's walk :)

He's leading me :)

2011-10-07T22:35:00.000-07:00

(written on Aug 21, 2011)

So as I have been reminded a hand full of times now that I've disappeared and should do some sort of update soon, I've realized how much I miss update you with every typing of word on the keyboard, hehe. Besides that, I have the desire to share and fellowship with what God has been doing in my life recently.

Ready? Here we gooooooo! :)
Since last September, God has begun His adventure in my life of becoming what I feel He has been calling me to be. As I settled into Teacher's College this past school year in London, ON, I follow my heart and all my gut feelings to be the best teacher candidate I could be. One thing I've missed and to this day, being totally humbled is how much I've neglected God in the process. I missed the best thing. I missed seeing how good God has been to me throughout this whole process.

Yet God, despite my lack of gratitude, lack of faith and my pettiness many a times, I recalled moments of great mercies He had so graciously shown me. In the end of it all, I was broken. So broken that God had to show me how broken I was by bringing me to numerous points of failures in my placements/ school practicum. I realized from hindsight that my mind entering teacher`s college was simply to get a good result and start on a great and stable job WOW AND then earn a lot of money. It's still kind of scares me looking into my own heart right now and realizing that it was what I very much so desired during my 9 months of studies at uwo. I became spiritually depressed yet at the same time too prideful of my abilities and talent that I was defensive towards God telling me to let go of this pride. I honestly did not bother to listen to God because realizing my own ambitions and goals seems more important to me at that time. That literally and vividly separated myself from God. I saw myself withdrawal myself from His presence. My school year did not at all turn out the way I expected it to be nor as pleasant of a result that all graduates would want it to be. However, He re-defined success for me and He taught to value Him more than anything in this world because true life is in Him alone.

Right after my final practicum in London, ON, I had a long talk with my practicum Director and Associate Dean and they addressed the struggles I had for the past year of studies at their Teacher`s College. Trust me, those 2 weeks of practicum leading on to that meeting were 2 of the longest weeks of my life! :) At the end of my meeting, by His grace, they were able to write me a letter of reference for my future endeavors.

This summer has definitely be a blessed time reconciling and reconnecting and re-investing in broken relationships and building deeper and more meaningful relationships with others - most my family. I am full of gratitude recalling how far God has restorations relationships in my family and providing me a true bundle of hope in continuing to spread His steadfast love to each person. I have been on and off with camp these past 2 months so when I don`t work, it is very relaxing! I have been learning to really save up! PTL! It`s actually not bad just not as fun as desired hehehe :) I have been doing camp right beneath an animal hospital as well with grade school kids and domestic animals! That is loads of work and energy used but LOADS of fun! We`ve been to horse farms, the Pawsway at Harbourfront (Pets Show Cafe), the Humane Society, watched small surgeries at animal hospitals (yes :) ), a dog wellness rehab centre and a lot more! So blessed :)

God has also blessed me with a prospective ESL teaching job in Korea when I began my application last March. Yet I need to wait until next week to hear back from them where they decide whether they've found a position for me or not. So this coming week is going to be critical, hopefully not sleepless! I'm nervous! haha... as much as I`ve had hopes up to the top for going to a different country, let alone ASIA :D, I know that it is all according to His great purpose and perfect plan. I need to (get used to) and learn to graciously receive God redirecting me from plans I've set out for myself. There has been so much sorrow being humbled by God to pursue Him with a single heart and mind and nothing of this world but when we realize that we are already a part of eternity right now, then it is the way we should desire to live every single day.

ISAIAH

2011-06-03T22:32:00.000-07:00

Recently the book of Isaiah has been lingering on the idea of curses and woes. It nearly reaches the 30th chapter and yet it still calls Jerusalem and Ephraim out on their rebellion, blindness and disobedience. It seems to be a long period of darkness and pain for the reader to read through the history of the Israelites' disobedience against God and the suffering the righteous people had to experience as a result of their rebellion. As believers, we (at least I did) may ask where is God's deliverance in this chaos? Why are those who are holding onto God's righteousness not delivered? Why do their act of trust in God does never seems to be enough for God to do something?? Where is God's deliverance?

Hope and restoration awaits the rebellious Israelites as they about to receive grace and mercy from the living God in the later chapters in the book. This seeming delayed response of God calls for perseverance for God's righteous and choosing His wisdom and laying down one's own. It calls on patiently waiting on God. Strength will rise for each one that will faithfully wait on His deliverance.It has definitely and continues to be a season of dry lands and curses and woes as I crave for godliness in my surroundings. I am not sure what I can do without resolving to running on my own strengths and will. How can I become a true monument of His grace through every action when all I see sometimes are darts being throw to His name. How do I deal with a faint heart that have seen this extremely this tainted world. I am definitely excited to read on.

'' Inasmuch as these people draw near with their mouths And honour Me with their lips, But have removed their hearts far from Me, and their fear toward Me is taught by the commandments of men, Therefore, behold, I will again do a marvelous work Among this people, A marvelous work and a wonder, For the wisdom of their wise men shall perish, and the understanding of their prudent men shall be hidden.''

Isaiah 29:13,14

A challenge becoming an opportunity

2011-04-11T19:00:00.000-07:00

Challenges upon challenges, is this what life on earth is just about? All I know that I know is that my life in Teacher`s College at UWO right now has been ringing well with one too many of these. Challenges. Time and time again I find myself battling against the waves of despair that rises higher over me, telling me I am going to fail and this time it will crush me. People find it hard to see through my sugar coating shell. My profs, my mentor teachers, my advisors and even my friends in the program. But the matter of fact is that I am afraid when I know for the very first time that I might not have what it takes to pass my program and find my dream career. The challenge of professional school finally hit me when I realized that it is no longer undergrad.

Things have not been rainbows and unicorn at all with practicum, frankly speaking, but I am currently waiting longingly for my practicum -redo- in May (3 weeks), then another one, (supposed to be my last one assuming I pass the one in May. :)

Having been so challenged for 2 previous practicum already. How do I proceed with confidence?

I have been encouraged by numerous barnabases to shift my eye of thinking - I had to start thinking of every challenge as from God no matter how dark the path may seem and how absent in the circumstance God may appear to be.

I had to start thinking of every challenge as an opportunity to grow because they are difficulties that make us stronger in the end.

9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
‎2 Cor 12:9

I have been overwhelmed with work and frustrated with various unjust situations my programs has put my friends through and yet again, His grace has carried me to the understanding that injustice is the result of a society today that does not know God. Yet God knows His sheep. Amidst discouragements knowing the contempt earthly masters can have in the real world, I believe in the ultimate master that hold everything together. He is just, loving and trustworthy. That is simply all I need to know.

Thank you for reading ;)

Your Love Never Fails -Chris Quilala / Jesus Culture

2011-03-19T18:44:00.000-07:00

Food for Thought.

2011-01-22T23:32:00.000-08:00

"Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical and expecting more than others think is possible."

Howard Schultz

Knowing Him as Baruch

2010-12-26T22:26:00.000-08:00

Happy Boxing Day 2010 everyone!

I really haven't loved to be home so much as these Christmas Holidays! December 2010 is a time I will remember, truly reminise about years after because it's been that much of a blessing. Dad in Heaven, thank You! <3

It's already half way the bench mark of my program in London. UWO Education Program at Althouse, frankly not what I'm most fond of, but God has been more then merciful throughout the course of my studies and LABOURING practicums (seriously labouring) the past 4 months. wow :)

God has put me through and in discomfort, living with different people and working under countless authorities to show me how good He REALLY IS. It's one of the most grateful things this holiday season to realize that! What highlight! :D The downside of this would be having hopelessly and bitterly wallowed in ungratefulness and homesickness for over one month before coming back to T.O. God had so graciously comforted me the moment I stepped foot home, reminding me of what is truly important in my life. Just last Wed. I met up with Pastor Sarah from New Hope Church in downtown Toronto (the most life giving and heart pouring transparent godly conversations I've ever had seriously <3>

I shared about reading a called 'Faith Enough to Finish - by Jill Briscoe'. I explained to her about how my life resembled defeat more than victory in Him because I have let the devil take hold of my life and He's been trampling ALL OVER it at the weakest moments in my life of these 4 months in London. Being in close proximity with certain people can be very tough, but as I experienced all that, I found myself full of excuses for waddling hopeless despair rather than asking God for help . Like Baruch in the book of Jeremiah in the Bible, in my mind honestly, I subconsciously gave up on believing that God even existed in my poor circumstances let alone fight the devil. In the book it quoted that 'we would rather live in defeat rather than asking God for help.' Pastor Sarah reminded of which completely began to change how I approached my faith. She said: ' To live is to know God'. It is to understand the possibility to life only through the work and presence of His Holy Spirit. what it means to allow our old self to be crucified with Christ and have Christ's life shine through you. Christ's life aught not to shine through only on glorious Sundays but everyday of following Him. I have been living in defeat for the longest time 2 months ago, self-righteously working out ways to be a blessing to extremely difficult people. My past mentality of being a blessing had been to force myself to love without God who is the full embodiment of love from the BEGINNING. I was reminded that I aught to decrease so that God can increase as He loves through me. I have to let go even of my intentions to love my roomate and let God's plan unfold. I don't know what He does until He does it so because love is a commandment for me only to glorify Him, I need to ONLY be a channel of His love to whoever God has placed in my life at a given time as my neighbour. My trap and I'm sure it is for most of us selfishly ambitious people is to do great things through God but it's wrong. Us fulfilling ourselves is heresy. What God wants more than anything is for Him to do great things through us. It is His heart and mind we adopt. Not our own.

The journey of seeing God's hand in this is detrimental but it is more than a blessing to finally understand what it means when (God says) do not fear for I am with you; do not be afraid for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

- Isaiah 41:10

I'm beginning to know Him.

2010-12-25T12:07:00.000-08:00

what a timely reminder to be thankful, to reflect on hope, on freedom. This is what this season is about it! Thankful, hopeful and free because of what Jesus came to do.

Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year 2011 everyone!!! :)

Amazing things God promises to His people in Psalm 145

2010-12-11T23:27:00.000-08:00

.a life of praise as a lifelong response to a relentlessly loving God. This is the way He loves us.

Psalm 145

A Praise of David.

¹ I will extol You, my God, O King;
And I will bless Your name forever and ever.
² Every day I will bless You,
And I will praise Your name forever and ever.
³ Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised;
And His greatness is unsearchable.

⁴ One generation shall praise Your works to another,
And shall declare Your mighty acts.
⁵ I^{a]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]} will meditate on the glorious splendor of Your majesty,
And on Your wondrous works.^{b]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[b]}
⁶ Men shall speak of the might of Your awesome acts,
And I will declare Your greatness.
⁷ They shall utter the memory of Your great goodness,
And shall sing of Your righteousness.

⁸ The LORD is gracious and full of compassion,
Slow to anger and great in mercy.
⁹ The LORD is good to all,
And His tender mercies are over all His works.

¹⁰ All Your works shall praise You, O LORD,
And Your saints shall bless You.
¹¹ They shall speak of the glory of Your kingdom,
And talk of Your power,
¹² To make known to the sons of men His mighty acts,
And the glorious majesty of His kingdom.
¹³ Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
And Your dominion endures throughout all generations.^{c]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[c]}

¹⁴ The LORD upholds all who fall,
And raises up all who are bowed down.
¹⁵ The eyes of all look expectantly to You,
And You give them their food in due season.
¹⁶ You open Your hand
And satisfy the desire of every living thing.

¹⁷ The LORD is righteous in all His ways,
Gracious in all His works.
¹⁸ The LORD is near to all who call upon Him,
To all who call upon Him in truth.
¹⁹ He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him;
He also will hear their cry and save them.
²⁰ The LORD preserves all who love Him,
But all the wicked He will destroy.
²¹ My mouth shall speak the praise of the LORD,
And all flesh shall bless His holy name
Forever and ever.

a late afternoon reflection amidst the third snow day in London in 4 years

2010-12-07T21:24:00.000-08:00

i saw a glimpse of eternity today. it was hopeful. that is why i decided to reproduce this journal entry to this blog of mine, of which i have subconsciously neglected for awhile.

I literally sat in front of my laptop today and Jaeson Ma's phrase on passion suddenly came to me again since 2 weeks ago when I heard Him speak. It was along the lines 'If my passion is not worth dying for, it is not worth living for.'

I knew it struck a cord in my heart, a thick one. I knew God was talking about my relationships and my desire to see reconciliation in my life and in this world. Not only that but seeing relationships being rebuilt and more new ones being built. I know I'm far from being perfect but I know that You are my God (Levitcus 20:24)and you will protect me whenever I take on any challenge You are blessing me with. I love what you can do in them midst of situations, circumstances, and in people when I obey to step out in faith, not fully seeing the end picture of it all. I want to rest not knowing but trusting that you've already answered and made the best decision for your beloved; You have conquered Satan in my situation at the cross. '⁷For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.' 2 Timothy 1:7 (NASB)
May this be a reminder Lord. May this attitude of obedience be in me as a witness to all of who I live for and what I live for. Let my life always claim victory over fear by Your spirit and bypass it like on eagles' wings (Isaiah 40:31). I trust You.

My Recent LAMENT

2010-08-16T14:48:00.000-07:00

I'm on the brink on starting another school year, probably the last school I will have for a while. Just want to jot some sentimental and mindful thoughts down. Here we go..
TEST. wow. nearly never has it been a year that was THIS trying and difficult before, but God chose to have 2009-2010 school year to be the year and not to mention, continuing! When will it end is what I'm thinking to myself? :P

How do I deal with this inner turmoil that my exhausted heart and mind is suffocating in but completely unable to comprehend. The Psalms have been helpful especially Psalm 73 which talks very explicitly God's vindication for those who chooses to live righteously rather than wickedly, but this truth is very slow in connecting with not just my mind but especially my dear heart I find. SIGH.

Faith is being pushed to the limits even more so because it is the only thing now that is still there when nothing else seems to be a testimony of His goodness, His faithfulness and even His power. Now I haven't been speaking like this for a long time, but as I continue to collect my every thoughts at the moment, this is a great lament I know.
It is very hard to sense that God is good, faithful, just, powerful or ever in control when there seems to be a lack of regard for each other in people close me - it's exactly what's happening right now amongst my family; I feel like when we don't care to show love to one another, God is being totally ignored because He is love in character. Don't get me wrong, my emphasis is not being perfect loving because only God Himself can do that. Yet it is on the mere lack of concern of working towards loving people close to us. It feels cold all of a sudden, the lack of love, care, consideration, patience, gentleness and faithfulness. My heart is very tired. Why am I the only one who sees the need of LOVING EACH OTHER in my family? WHY? I feel that my family from my mom to sister to me, we all lack the sense of love but (excuse my harshness) my mom seems to be too internally paralyzed by self-centredness and contaminated by a pluralistic mind (- the lack of regards for the Source of Life) that it really seems like she only cares to love herself. It indeed affect us, especially my sister because she's not grown up yet and can't even understand till later. What do I do? :P

I pray that God will come and save as He has in the past every time!

12 For He will deliver the needy when he cries,
The poor also, and him who has no helper.
13 He will spare the poor and needy,
And will save the souls of the needy.
14 He will redeem their life from oppression and violence;
And precious shall be their blood in His sight.

Psalm 72:12-14 (A true fuel recently as I AM in dire need of every bit of it from HIM!) ;)

Re-Connect

2010-07-11T20:55:00.001-07:00

Dear friends,

I have recently been thinking about reasons and the purposes of what we call "evangelism". As I embark on a journey of a 2 weeks training with CEFOntario, the curiosity and ardor to peel the onion layers of this Christian principle hasn't been clearer and poignant.

I has become something like daily breathing for me, something pure that I want to live to do.

So what is "Evangelism" anyway? It is hardly a simply hard skill that many Christians tend to bombard their minds and self with but it extends to an expression of God hand to people all around. It is to re-connect - re-connect broken souls to the love of an Almighty God.

How do we do it? Jesus was the greatest example. Love. Jesus's life on earth was the representation of God's love. His passion of re-connecting the lost people to His Father led Him to suffer even as He was being marred for rebuking all that was sinful and impure and all that was unpleasing to His Father. But he loved all those that he healed, saved, discipled, stayed with that it killed Him.

This past December-January, my good friend and I bought this book called 'LOVE-the best Apologetic' at the Urbana Conference. I have yet to open it but see the title, it means what it says. When we evangelize, God can enable you to love like He loves us through Jesus's life, and be His witness. When we are God's witnesses, we show God by the kind of love our life displays in different circumstances. The unpredictability and nature of life's problems sure change this love that's display genuinely in our lives through Christ because this love from Him is has no conditions in itself. A hard but a lesson worth learning. When people see God, it is because they have seen who God is by who we are. And they are led to God more by the kind of love we display that's attributed to God...(the greatest qualities 1 Corinthians 13:4-8) MORE than the kind of love we speak of.

journey of learning of falling in love continues... ;)

cheers XP

My Devotions on Psalm 133

2010-04-21T00:11:00.000-07:00

Wow. So after having MIA for awhile here is to CCF: :)

A song of ascents. Of David.

¹ How good and pleasant it is
when brothers live together in unity!

² It is like precious oil poured on the head,
running down on the beard,
running down on Aaron's beard,
down upon the collar of his robes.

³ It is as if the dew of Hermon
were falling on Mount Zion.
For there the LORD bestows his blessing,
even life forevermore.

What do you think of it comes to what bonds a community of friends and moreover Christians together? What is the glue that binds me to you, you to me, you to her and you to him in a relationship? The Psalmist David talks about Harmony that is the glue here but furthermore describes the special strength of this bond comes from God Himself who binds everyone to one another in unity. This spirit of unity makes the harmony we Christians share like rich oil like it says in verse 2 that enriches and strengthens bonds in a way that cannot be without the same nourishment. When I think about relationships, the first thing that comes into my mind is friction that naturally flows out of familiarity and all the fun stuff that comes with it! The good old concept called - friction in relationships from my timely experiences nearly debilitates us to even want to look at each other sometimes. It is most human to sugar coating this and that situation and this or that feeling, which we are often also tempted to do (This personally rings true for me in many ways). So many things in life is rather what we (social science and humanities students) call 'relative' and situational. How we ought to treat one another depends how well we know the person, saying things in gentleness, in the right time, to the right person and of course keeping the bond of peace. These are all good things in itself. I have heard this saying from friends and Jon Wang and it goes: 'saying the right things at the wrong time is still saying the wrong thing.' However I believe David is trying to bring home through Psalm 133 an extension of what humans are capable of doing when it comes to keeping unity in a Christian community especially. The unity that is from God and that is gained by seeking Him is the only empowered way to bring truth out in love (Ephesians 4:15) because there is God's strength in His spirit of unity. It creates love that bears being honest and being truthful. It consequently introduces something called 'healing' in sight through true forgiveness (Ephesians 4:31) that is only possible through God's love. The marrow of Psalm I believe is that harmony in community is a blessing from His spirit of unity.

So, in conclusion I would love to commend the love I see in CCF, the love I receive and the love that is just rubbed of from all of you guys, whether it is demonstrated physically, verbally, directly or indirectly! KEEP the LOVE flowing CCF!!!

The Way I Come to You - Bethany Dillon

2010-02-09T22:02:00.000-08:00

Day turned to night
You breathed your last
Blood flowed from your side
All of God in a young man
Who gave away His life
And You loved me
When I was Your enemy
And You chose me
When I didn't believe

And You drank the cup
That was all filled up
With my punish and shame
From the garden to the empty tomb
The way I come to You forever changed

A crushing burden on our backs
The words hang in the air
"His blood be on us and our children"
Still You forgave us there

And you loved me
When I was your enemy
And you chose me
when I didn't believe
And you drank the cup that was all filled up
with my punishment and shame
from the garden to the empty tomb
The way I come to you forever changed

Jesus, perfect through suffering
Jesus, my merciful High Priest
The weakness of God is mighty
And the foolishness of His love has saved me

When you drank the cup that was all filled up
With my punishment and shame
From the garden to the empty tomb
The way I come to you forever changed
Forever changed

Youtube itt :) Have been solemnly yet surely walking with Jesus through this song!

Enjoy ;)

Food for thought - Urbana 09 =)

2010-01-24T17:02:00.000-08:00

Going to Urbana for this second time has brought a new perspective on what it is all about. Equipping us on how to be missionary in the way we live out our Christian life has been the goal. The theme of Incarnation as Christ 'dwelled among us' has made the conference as a whole more applicable and relevant in how we should model our lives as Christians.

I remember attending the same conference three years ago, staying at the same Hilton at Ballpark hotel, eating at the same TGI Fridays (which I'm sure the name gets us all going there :), recognizing the same arch right outside Hilton, crossing the same 4th Street, and facing the same stage at the Edward's Dome. Yet still something seemed so different this time around. In the midst of all the emotional hype and extravaganza with all the performance work, massive worship band, billboards and the use of multimedia in carrying out the message of Urbana, my heart and mind I felt was drawn into peace instead. I was drawn to meet Jesus in the quietness of my soul. True glory I found.

Upon arriving to Urbana this past December, I felt burdened with expectations I myself wanted to live up to, whether it is at home with my family, in school, in CCF, amongst friends, with my bosses. Being the eldest in the family, I have always socialized to live up to people's approval because my sister looked up to me and still does to this day. Gradually for many years, I wanted to make sure that people were always pleased with what I did. Indeed how wrong was I to think that I could achieve true happiness when I can get everyone to like me and accept me. So that's what I did. I did whatever it took to gain popularity acceptance; pretending to be someone who I not, lying, constantly seeking attention of others and slowly yet surely I have developed a false self that seemed have completely met an instant gratification anyone could ask for, and yet it was FAR from the best that God has planned for me long before I was born. I knew God's heart broken there right in front of my very eyes yet I was too blind to see. I felt that there was huge wall of fear, insecurity and hurt that had separated me from God's presence. It was one of the darkest days in my life. Much of my fear and indulgence in self-centredness stemmed from parents' separation when I was 9th grade. Yet I realized the weight of pride and hurt that was living in me all this time and that it was hardening my heart big time.I knew I needed help, a lot of help. At Urbana 2003 at one of the prayer ministry sessions, God broken my walls defense and despair for the first time. After so many years of looking for help, satisfaction and attention in all the wrong, God revealed to me right there and then through the Prayer Minister that He Alone was going to help me.

Going back to Urbana this year, God has re-affirmed His faithfulness in these past 3 years of continuing and disciplining and maturity me in my life.Yet He knew and knows up till this day, I am still in His unfinished piece of work, who will be continuously healed and perfected and healed until He comes back.

Going to prayer ministry session, I felt Jesus saw beyond the so called 'maturity' and 'enough' spiritually growth that was superficially plastered across my face and the surface of my live. Over the years I felt I have grown so much in how to love God, love people and being healed my Him and I wanted to strong for once. Yet in my Wholeness, He gently nugged at my stubborn heart and invited me to be weak because as His true disciple, I need to be the lord of my life and let Him Alone be Strong. The only was I could be alive in Him demanded me to let go of my pride and self-sufficiency and surrender and moreover commit to His Lordship. I knew it. He demanded for me to know Him in a whole different person. As a weak person. :)

" 18 For Christ also suffered once for sins, the just for the unjust, that He might bring use]">[e] to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive by the Spirit, "

1 Peter 1: 18

I remember entering the prayer ministry room feeling extremely lonely, frustrated and unsatisfied and stubbornly denying the need for prayer. During 20 minutes straight of sitting in my pride and dissatisfaction, I felt God's grace softening my heart. It was then, I made my way to be prayed for. When God calls us to Himself, He does simply ask for a part of us, or even most of us, but His light comes in and search each and every part of our hearts and looks for even the very part we try to hide and humanly rationalize from Him. For me it was pride and selfishness. I feel known and have come to know this Jesus I claim to follow at different level. I feel my faith being grounded in His healing even as a weak person, whose eyes He opens, whose sickness He heals, whose legs He strengthens. The one that dwelt among us and learned our ways while we were still and are still many a times waddling in our own sins. It is living through the different accounts of Jesus's healing in my own life of 'blindness, being crippled, being paralyzed in my own faith. A remarkable I have learned at Urbana 09. This is the Jesus I know.

Are you truly satisfied?

2009-12-12T15:53:00.000-08:00

As much as it is a soul searching post and gut busting for me, and as cheezy as this question may seem to you, are you satisfied?

Have you had this question resonating in you head like I did?

True satisfaction can be such a great desire in someone's heart that it yearns for it. Like mine. I surely have been yearning for it. I think ever since that I realized that grasses are always greener on the other side I have yearned to be filled. I feel my heart's content being revealed from old experiences and I have come to realize that for many years, I have allowed this wondering heart to look for it in all the wrong places. places I'm not proud of. from consuming friends to family to other relationships, fame and waddling in sins of envy, jealousy, from self-centredness and lust. what a confession huh? haha.. pheww..

ALL THIS friends, was abuse just for an exchange to be truly and fully satisfied; I'm sure many of you can resonate with me in this. When I think back about it, a deep clarity of truly knowing the depth of a yearning soul would come to me. it is truly powerful. One of the most magnificent masterpiece of God's creation in unique human beings when He called us 'fearfully and wonderfully made' in the Psalms.

Yet what's is so dangerous about is that it I feel like it imitates our deceitful heart. It takes us to places that is of instant gratification that abusively leaves us craving for more, like with my past struggles. These places of greed, self-centredness and lust that our soul dies not to go yet our own flesh is too weak to let them go.

The wonder of the soul is not merely because its strength to yearn but because of its power to be filled. our soul is a vehicle to the satisfaction of our heart. the creator of this soul says in Psalm 23:2 that, ' I shall not be in want'. I was watching on TV, a sermon clip from Pastor John Hagee this week and he said that God is able to keep this ever thirsting soul from being in want because He alone can fill the needs this soul could ever yearn for. ;D

Wow, I was deeply encouraged. My desire to share about this weak spirit of mine and raw choices that I have made in the past is so that you will be encouraged to come close to this God that truly satisfies and not have to be consumed by wants. a genuine release of .. PHEEWWWW.. :) lemme hear an amen ..

thanks for reading :)

Claiming the Promise of the treasure of the Jars of Clay

2009-11-17T20:37:00.000-08:00

2 Corinthians 4
The Light of Christ’s Gospel
1 Therefore, since we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we do not lose heart. 2 But we have renounced the hidden things of shame, not walking in craftiness nor handling the word of God deceitfully, but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. 3 But even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, 4 whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them. 5 For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord, and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus’ sake. 6 For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. 8 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— 10 always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 11 For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 12 So then death is working in us, but life in you.
13 And since we have the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, “I believed and therefore I spoke,”[a]we also believe and therefore speak, 14 knowing that He who raised up the Lord Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus, and will present us with you. 15 For all things are for your sakes, that grace, having spread through the many, may cause thanksgiving to abound to the glory of God.

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, 18 while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

"Paul is not addressing here the frivolous minds in compromising, nor is he referring to those who squander their lives in self-indulgent living, nor is he speaking to the narrow-minded hypocrites; these words are meant for the soldiers of the cross, those who understands what it means to love, to sacrifice, or even to suffer, oh dear one are grasping the significance of this fabulous promise? ..." - Ellerslie Honour

Are we letting life be numbed and vacuumed into earthly pleasures or are we willing to bear the weight of living for His glory and honour? What does it mean to be a Christian?

What a weighty mission to grasp and grip tightly to these promises huh?! I was struck and humbled for sure seeing the vid and reading over the passage again! But hey friends :), keep on claiming these treasures!! :)

and so learning to teach begins.... :)

2009-09-24T21:45:00.000-07:00

Have recently been taking a full year UT course on Teaching a Second Language. And for those who really truly aspire to teach kids and teenagers, I geniunely feel that this course is something you'll enjoy (c'mon now don't kid yourself! hahaah) and seriously sooo appropriate for preparing a mind ready to inspire ready-little minds in a elementary school setting or preparing minds of high school kids for the real world out there. I'm so excited aobut taking it right now cuz I'm learning so much!! come talk to me if you wanna know more! :D It has only been three weeks of class but I feel like I'm already thinking differently about learning in general and I eagerly anticipate about what my mind will be opened to next.dan dan dan!!! :D

So class experience, there is more class interaction than I expected initially, which i love! the many perspectives and philosophies about teaching shared just TODAY in-class just blew my mind! :) Really, today was my first time feeling people talking actually care about 'teaching' like gosh! hehehe if you know what I mean...:P Today when one of my classmates was talking, there was a genuine 'uptightness' in the vibe she gave away in the way she spoke; I almost sensed a thirst when she talked her hurtles and fear of feeling inadequate to become a good teacher --> one of our topics of discussion during class. That classmate kinda rocked the whole 'peaceful' class atmosphere a little bit with her passionate and quite confident tone of voice, but throughout her whole 1 min quick spiel, I was like: 'she really believes in what she says!' what passion seriously...and plus it is extremely rare to find such vulnerability in a secular world like this nowadays, especially in a class that has just begun where you don't really know anyone at all yet. Then I though to myself ->we are in dire need of ppl such as these to claim to be teachers.

One of our textbooks is just inspirational in that it brings a message of hope towards new real-life practical strategies for teaching, despite failures from past teaching styles. One quote from the text Teaching and Learning Languages by Anthony Mollica that inspired me personally goes on like this(p.42):

'Language is much more than grammar. It is more than a way of structuring thought. It is a way of signifying our deepest feelings, our most sincere beliefs. Each time I learn a word (says Mollica) which has no translation into another language, I feel that I have discovered a rare gift, a fresh insight..'

Thanks for reading, and hope you guys were able to be somewhat inspired or impacted by the idea of in this post. ....... .......... or maybe even think of teaching in the future as well? :]

Keeping workin' the mind on this fascinating topic! Cheers :}

:)

2009-08-28T23:09:00.000-07:00

A recent flaming fuel for the recent walk.. :) Our God continues to prove His faithfulness in the awesomeness of His love and power.

It is well with my soul ... :)

2009-08-05T17:01:00.000-07:00

listen to this:

"... it in the quiet crucibles of your personable private sufferings that your noblest dreams are born and God's greatest gifts are given in compensation of what you have been through. "

- Wintley Phips

Loving People to Christ

2009-08-03T22:52:00.000-07:00

more from: The Jesus I Never Knew

"According to this parable, Jesus knew that the world he left behind would included the poor, the hungry, the prisoners, the sick. The decrepit state of the world did not surprise him. He made plans to cope with it: a long-range plan and a short-range plan. The long-range plan involves his return, in power and great glory, to straighten out planet earth. The short-range plan means turning it to the ones who will ultimately usher in the liberation of the cosmos. He ascended so that we would take his place." p. 233

The parable this passage is talking about is taken from Matthew 25, the last parable before Jesus's ascension. What I love so much about this passage is how he speaks about we as Christians, His name bearers have a part in completing his work after his ascension. I was at a really great wedding on this past Saturday and the officiating pastor said something that touched a place really deep in my walk with Jesus. He said we are first and foremost called to be a Christians and His image-bearers in our life that need continuous refinement and work before He will use us to do great things for Him. As I kept searching my heart, I was asking myself, what needed refinement and work and what hindered me from bearing His name in a way that is pleasing to Him? All the questions stemmed back from my desire to bring people to know Christ. But how has been the question that is always so humbling to me because from experience it requires such a patient process of self-denial. I have been convicted to realize it is by learning how to love the people first and love them more than the idea of telling them the gospel that lives can be changed. The story of Zachias is one of my favorite portrayals of how Jesus extended love to bring sinners to Himself. He noticed Zachias on a tree and knowing about his unlikeable acts of inflicting pain in people by profitting illegal money off of them, Jesus called him down from the tree and made Himself available to show him he was accepted by Him despite his perpetuating acts of injustice and sins. I see such great importance in showing Christ's love to the lost as to show Himself and to love people to Christ. The Great Commission in the end of the book of Matthew that we are to make disciple from all nations. By working through us to love the lost to Him is one of the remarkable reasons according to Jesus I Never Knew is why He ascended to heaven.

Bethany Dillon

2009-07-22T21:11:00.001-07:00

Bethany Dillon

Shared via AddThis

What I Miss ...

2009-07-22T20:02:00.000-07:00

The past 5 weeks of being away in Sherbrooke has been really surreal; experiencing things in a way that's never experienced before, it was breath taking. Being obliged to speak in French all day, haha.. good times and interesting at the same time! ahaha... In a way still feel like I wanna keep breathing everything in. I really miss the mountains and hills of the small city (& describing the scenery en français in my final project), being able to walk to downtown from the mid-town campus in less than an hour and kinda visualize familiar GO-TO places because sherbrooke is just tiny enough. Everything from groceries to drugstore to bars :P to movies (I lied, one of them ;) ) is so accessible by foot compared to our GTA and being able to see the sunset every night because of where the campus is located. and not to mention, the people I've had the chance to meet and spend 5 weeks day in and day out with, just makes me nostalgic again just by talking about it..haha. feel like I wanna recapture and relive some of the moments! how ideal! hahaha.. I definitely miss it!!!

But coming back home, as I've started processing about my experience there and about people I've been honoured to meet and befriend, God had been revealing something new to me. Something that's worth losing words for! He knows that I've discovered a deeper kind of love for Him and this world that has yet to know His redeeming love. There's this unceasing holy discontent in me called forth to reach out to the lost, the ones who seem to be living in complete luxury but are far from being filled in the soul. Yes, a burning passion to love them, to reach out! Being in the midst of crazy lifestyles, there definitely were times that He totally came through for me so that I could be sane. It's really not a hard thing to lose focus during the course of a lifetime without His protection. When you choose Christ over any other side s according to what this world values and deems reasonable it's even harder. Cuz the devil is also at work against those are for His pleasure and His kingdom.

My yearning from this trip (besides of course To Keep Up the French, hopefully! haha :) ), is to keep falling in love with this great God and be humbly led to please Him!

This new song from Bethany Dillon's new album (Everyone to know)
triggered me to want to share this post with you all!

can be found on itunes/ http://www.bethanydillon.com/

Recent reflection from a recent journey

2009-06-24T15:02:00.000-07:00

Behold, I have engraved your name on the palms of my hands.
Isaiah 49:16

From "Tested by Fire" - John Piper

2009-06-12T15:10:00.000-07:00

"Suffering in the path of Christian obedience, with joy - because the steadfast love of the Lord is better than life (Psalm 63:3) - is the clearest display of the worth of God in our lives. Therefore, faith-filled suffering is essential in this world for the most intense, authentic worship. When we are most satisfied with God in suffering, he will be most glorified in us in worship. Our problem is not styles of music. Our problem is styles of life. When we embrace more affliction for the worth of Christ, there will be more fruit in the worship of Christ."

2009-06-05T21:31:00.000-07:00

From "The Jesus I Never Knew" - Philip Yancey

What amazes me about this book is not it's deep theological abstractions, even though its merits are rightfully in place, but it's the personal relationship I am able to observe between him and God as he writes through continuously discovering things about Jesus he didn't know before; characterized by doubts and frustrations expressed through event's of his own life or of others. Reading this book, (having one more chapter to go only), makes me think about my life and question myself if I courageously grip onto my existing relationship with God, facing Him upfront, dialogging with Him and re-discovering who He is, even in my greatest hardships in life, like Yancey himself, Job and Tolsoy, Luther, Lewis... or do I just spiritually shrink back in my own, narrow little mind --> self-pity? Here we see Jesus making his relationship with His Father Centre from life to the point of death, even as 'His time has come.'

Humility
It makes my heart ache and frustrates me when thinking about humility because of my recent realization of its true superiority that's so hard to live out, but senses that comes from my deep desire to know it intimately and to learn to live it out transparently. Much of this conviction and realization comes from understanding Jesus in this book. Much of what defines Jesus is true humility who lived it out perfectly --> His boldness and determined acts of install his kingdom in flipping upside down the jewish religious system of the Sanhedrins and his vulnerability on the cross (not saving Himself from being crucified) that created a place of forgiveness and that had given a clearer view on what His kingdom is truly like. Ironically, it was the one of the 2 murderers crucified with Him that saw clearly of what it was like and what the whole Jesus coming down to earth was all about, therefore, were one of the very few that responded the most properly to Jesus's purpose on earth.

ch 10
pg 203

" Thieves crucified on either side of Jesus showed two possibles responses. One mocked Jesus's powerlessness: A Messiah who can't even save himself? The other recognized a different kind of power. Taking the risk of faith,he asked Jesus to"remember me when you come into your kingdom.: No one else, except in mockery, had addressed Jesus as a king. The dying thief saw more clearly than anyone else the nature of Jesus's kingdom."

----------------------------
Rivals with Hollywood

There's a new nationwide Christian movie that came out, called: The Secrets of Jonathan Sperry and during an interview with one of the actors Kirk Cameron (who's also starring in Hollywood Film Fireproof, who came to know Christ himself was asked if all the Hollywood's critiques against the Chrisitian Genre Films bother Him. "It used to bother me a lot more than it does now," he said. "I really don't care because I've come to a conviction in my own heart." [ABC News] What was astounding to me was hearing him also say in his interview that this conviction has led him to realize and believe that there's only a few people that he wants to please.

{more on the movie coming soon...}
That was powerful.
From all this, I see that true Humility is driven by a conviction from God and it drives us to place of willingness to work with what God is doing in people's lives. Not lagging behind, not jumping ahead, but humbly walking beside His Majesty and completely tuning in to what He is doing.
"I think that that's the most wonderful thing about doing the things that I like to do," he said. "Be a part of something God is doing to change the lives of other people." [Hollywood Actor - Kirk Cameron]

2009-04-26T21:37:00.000-07:00

CAPTIVATED
with a child-like faith, a pursuit of Who He is of a life time :)
Always Father, always Lover

Not my righteousness but Yours - dying to myself

2009-04-26T19:57:00.000-07:00

^{My heart has been the expression of this great verse! :)

8} Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; ¹⁰ that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death..

Philippians 3:8-10 (NKJV)

after meeting up with carms and mike wong yesterday, talking and praying over cc stuff, the idea as 'worship coordinator' and what that role entails finally hit home. scary at first.

A day later today, the idea 'dying to myself' hit me even more greatly. it was time to humble myself as i began realizing that God is looking straight through me. He knew that one of my greatest weaknesses has always been myself. don't get me wrong. i do realize it's something we all struggle with frankly. when God asks us to 'pick up our cross and following Him,' the battle with the self has already begun.

Allow me to share with you though. I'd tried many a times in the past including this time serving for cc to rely on my own goodness, pleasing people, my own self - righteousness to get the job done. Heart totally misplaced. It hit home real Hard.

pain is being felt right now as He painfully tears down my "impurity of heart" and the "thirst and hunger of self- righteousness" before He will begin to build good and fitting qualities to be his servant. Yet what I'm extremely thankful is that amidst the pain, I feel like I have become mindful of this God which helps commit to following hard after him no matter what he's tearing away from me.

knowing full well my strong and deep desire for excellence and righteousness in Him, He has in turn reminded me that there's no righteousness in me apart from the righteousness Christ's blood has redeemed me with. Therefore even light of excellence, there's none of that what so ever that can be strive for apart from conform to having faith in Him and humbly dying to myself allowing Him to lead me into excellence.

As I begged God to help me collect my thoughts and emotions, i felt enabled to connect with these really feelings of stress, fear, insecurities, lack of faith, pride, selfish ambitions, negativity I had in my heart. I felt a sense of peace and I prayed to lose my heart in order to gain His.

it's time to lay them down

2009-04-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

Entering into God's presence has always been JOY at its purest form for me. nothing that trump that. nothing. as I did devos these past 2 weeks in between or prior to my studying sessions, God has revealed Himself to me in new and quite the challenging ways; given His full knowledge of I have been facing recently. boy He knows! :P

¹⁰ "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom,
and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

Proverbs 9:10 (NIV)

I was sharing with a friend today about me asking God for wisdom and discernment. as I was saying these words and feeling a sense of pride that I'm getting my hands dirty and ready to learn to live IN this world although I'm not OF it, I knew deep inside, my desire for those virtues fell short of solely wanting them for His glory, more like to please men. I was like wow. I knew that God knew this weakness of mine and He gave me real reality check of where He was in my life. I found my confidence being misplaced. from Him to this world; my friends, myself, etc. Characteristics as good as those can with a flick of dust turn into pure idolatry when it becomes for selfish gain instead of for the glory of God. It's so easy to get away with the excuse that it is for the sake of unity and making peace with friends and fellow brother and sisters. Yet exuding anything that is centred around anything apart from God Alone is idolatry. And when we make an idol out of anything : even godly virtues such as these, is still SIN. God also clearly said He is a jealous God who hates sin and idols our nature that are constantly made to satisfy the comfort of our human nature. comfort. Does this even occur to you as a real problem?

I have been asking myself.

Am I alive everyday for God?

Or am I living in this world but becoming OF this world as well?

During devos this week, God has showed me that wisdom to deal with this world I'm living in is nothing apart from being centred around learning to giving all my respect for His name first. As wisdom initially came from God Himself, the wisest person whose heart seeks to please him or herself, in turn can only be the greatest fool in the eyes of God, is he/she not? To be more bold, {how can he/she not be in all contexts?} When we allow ourselves to become more familiar with who God is and are willing to let Him conform our hearts to whatever He pleases, won't we then come to realize that we are nothing apart from Him? And never will be. However, have we also realized that the world has allured us into thinking that He is nothing apart from Us. Have we made ourselves god. and molding Him in to our own images? Can you face God upfront right now and say that you haven't? I have. and it is precisely why I felt I had to post this today. Like me, if you have, then let me ask you again, then why do you confess, keep singing and declaring that 'we live for your glory God' BEFORE acknowledging these sins and brokenness to Him first?

Are we still negotiating with Him about how we are going live our lives according to our worldly wisdom or are we willing to start to pay attention to our own brokenness in order to work out our salvation.

REAL REALITY CHECK. God being the very Centre of reality.

Recent Battles -

2009-04-06T21:34:00.000-07:00

yes! to finally posting again.

Have you ever felt that you've been enjoying the process of reaching milestones after milestones of growth until one day things quickly go downhill and before you know it, you're back on day 1. arghhh.. Yes I have been battling with so many of my weaknesses (money! I suck at that :P) being relatively materialistically high maintenance, i humbly have to admit that either I don't spend money, but when i do, it's usually on nice things that are expensive to be most direct :P It's truly humbling and sobering these couple of days when I realized that I'm serious broke.I cannot be more serious!! arghh..not good! People usually know when I'm embarrassed but this is really kinda tough to face. But the more I think about this struggle and why I'm struggling, an inkling sparked in me saying: "Keep fighting, the battle is not done yet." I knew it was God's voice; the same voice that was cheering on King David and strengthening him when he battled against his enemies.

I feel like I'm in the same boat as King David in 2 Samuel, battling against my greatest enemies. The whole book talks about the king being chased after by people that either envied Him, including his son or friends that him or Saul had once offended. He had to leave Jerusalem and escape from place to place. He has wounded the heart of God and betrayed people like Uriah that once respected him so much.

I'm far from physically finding myself in a battling field, :) but all the events that David faced in 2 Samuel described the roller coasters that has been going around in cirlces in my head. My soul felt like being chased after by weaknesses that I know I cannot battle on my own.

2 Samuel 19:2

And for the whole army the victory that day was turned into mourning, because on that day the troops heard it said, "The king is grieving for his son."

What can cause greater despair and grief than to lose a son. Every sense of victory stripped away and mourning came upon David. However in the rest of the chapters, you can see his change of heart and mind and begins to praise to God again when he battled. God did continue to be faithful in bringing him ultimate victory wherever he went; who turned his mourning into dancing and weakness into strength. This is encouraging because the same God is great in battle when I face my giant and enemies who will bring me victory wherever I need to fight. amen.

resting in grace...

2009-01-28T22:11:00.000-08:00

missing dad :P

resting in grace..

having the time of my life getting to know who Jehovan Jireh, Jesus, Wonderful Counsellor, Mighty God, Healer, Shepherd, Lover is....

A grounded vision

2009-01-11T23:36:00.000-08:00

So what is it? - it is a vision that motivated by 'who God is' [reality in its purest yet most macroscopic form]. It's always aimed and assured that it's followed through by the daily God-given means of reality. It is always guided by the daily whispers of God.

Thanks for those dear ones who know me as a true visionary, yet who've loved enough to always speak truth and have kept me grounded. :)

Thanks God.

Genesis "Shhhhhh.... " Winter Retreat 09

2009-01-09T23:56:00.000-08:00

roasted marshmallows in - 15 degrees Celsius

You cannot imagine how blessed I was to be able to reunite with people that are this dear to me. Genesis hasn't just been a fellowship I grew up in as a university freshman @ TCCC; it has been like home to me. forever will be. It's like back in the day, I used to say it's like my second family. These people have seen me laugh, cry, fall, lost in a rut, and stand back up and still stood by. Thanks for keeping me grounded guys! It's definitely a blessing to be back home again after a new semester at CCF on campus. WHY the most intriguing and memorable was girl talk I must say. fun times gals..Always seem like the last one to shut up! Well usually... only at retreat though, promise.. haha

Thanks guys for a challenging yet rewarding weekend.

Enjoy the memories made ---> :D

...dinner time.. with lotsa potato and cheese ... mmm.. favourite combo:P

.....haha my favourite shot of Janice 'seemingly' having caught the apple with her mouth but really didn't..hahaha :P

evie and matt :)

each one in their distinct spots, thinking their distinct thoughts...hehe..like that!

it's me, bonjour!

gen and me :)

cutesies

mandy and me squatting on the frozen river :)

Risk in expecting More

2008-12-27T19:28:00.000-08:00

We think
We care
We dream BUT IF..
We are not willing to risk anything in expecting something far greater than what we are capable of, nothing greater will ever happen; nothing greater can happen!

Recently God has refueled me with a passion to see God move in people's lives. While praying with Rachelle and people at 155, I had a special desire to expect that what we prayed for would happen.

I've been reflecting on my own walk with God. It has been a really safe walk I must say. Why did I keep it that way for so long? I don't know. All I know is that the way I see God somehow changed once I slowly became 'ok' with the idea of taking risks to follow Him. Honestly, the thought and feeling of taking risks has been a semi- traumatic . But, there is a clearer view of who He is, how He sees us, when we allow our hearts to be open to it leading to the possibility of a new level of intimacy with Him.

You know what, it is 'ok' to 'risk in expecting more' because we want to see how He will move in a greater capacity! Because when we have faith, He will!!

I have a vision that chains can be broken and freedom can be embraced when a willing heart steps up in faith amidst of uncertainties, spiritual warfare, vulnerability and failures. Someone at church talked about how impossible it is for God to even send us out to serve Him if our hearts are not even willing to risk trusting in Him. His work through the spirit begins with this faith of ours. Who is He to us?

29Then he touched their eyes and said, "According to your faith will it be done to you"; 30and their sight was restored.

Mat. 9:29-30 (NIV)

2008-12-24T21:35:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas!!!!

A time of great triumph and joy and of overwhelming challenges at this same time.

"I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart." (Jer. 24:7)

It's a timely reminder slow down and to not let the present of seeking His face slip away. I'm beckoned to come back to God. You can't always feel His presence in the most literal sense but His GRACE always gently yet persistently draws you to Him! He wants you to know Him and so He will make a way.

This has been His heart since the very beginning!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Merry Christmas!!

2008-12-18T20:52:00.000-08:00

I really enjoy going back to the old school hymns and worship songs a couple of times in a while! Like now. :) It is soothing or you can say 'boring' cuz the beats and rhythms are relatively slower. But apart from that, I guess in general, they are simply more sound and very scripturally inspired! That's how I connect with them so well in different levels! Luv 'em. These past few weeks of exams, a lot of stuff from Hillsong has caught my mind during times of meditation.

Here's one.

Hillsong - Emmanuel

Emmanuel - Hillsong
Written by Reuben Morgan

Holy holy
I will bow be - fore
My Lord and King
Hallelujah
You have come to us
You make all things new

Emmanuel
Jesus Christ
You’ll never let me go
My Shepherd King
You’re watching over me
Emmanuel

So amazing
You have named the stars
Of the deepest night
Still You love me
You have called my name
I will follow You

Holy holy
God Almighty
There is none like You

Em - ma - nu-el
Em - ma - nu-el
Em - ma - nu-el

Sit back and Enjoy as it gets you to reflect more deeply than usual! :)

reflections forward

2008-12-17T21:47:00.000-08:00

So first semester has ended...exams were done as of yesterday morning! A time of rest, connection is anticipated. Over and over, I'm reminded of who He is, whenever and even I after I get swayed by my own thoughts, feelings and selfish desires.

What's always comforting though and reassuring is the reminder that He is not a spiteful God. I've been taking the time to reflect and try to listen today. Read some and thought about some. Sometime, would you ask God, do you really have plan for me? I know I have. more than once of course. It is mind bottling and really overwhelming sometimes to know that that is the very test of faith to trust that He does indeed have a hope, prosperity and a FUTURE comes along with it! What a life-long vocation and a real privilege at the same time!

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
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Holding onto this passage of Jeremiah, a real youngsters of the time that God used so mightily, this very inspirational quote by Cadet Maxim came into mind. He once said while he was in military (got it from tianne) :)

~ Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible.

Cadet Maxim

I'm drawn to this unique fearlessness and passionate vision that he holds towards life itself in times of danger and adventure in the military.....{this can be a whole new post, just about Cadet Maxim's quote}
But, that is exactly the attitude to have I think to pursue God and his plans for us as we strive to become more Christ-like and holy and pure in this perverse day and age; mind, heart, soul and body.

swamped

2008-12-10T22:35:00.000-08:00

swamped with much catching up for finals! JUST one more, but the wait till next tues seems like a greater test of perserverance and faithfulness as a student than anything!

life in itself is always a challenge! perseverance, perseverance, and MORE perseverance!

in dire need time with Jesus to remain still, to listen and to be grounded. :)

bubyes!

floored :)

2008-12-09T09:58:00.000-08:00

A song that has really hit home recently.
How can you NOT be totally floored and rejoice in picking up your cross every single day by all that He is? Why just a little?
Enjoy!~

:P
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Made me glad (Hillsong)

I will bless the Lord forever
I will trust Him at all times
He has delivered me from all fear
He has set my feet upon a rock

I will not be moved            
And I'll say of the Lord

You are my shield, my strength
My portion, deliverer
My shelter, strong tower
My very present help in time of need


Whom have I in heaven but You?
There's none I desire beside You
You have made me glad
And I'll say of the Lord

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouMumEs7cVQ

Looking upon Jesus :)

2008-11-18T20:31:00.000-08:00

Hey guys,

I'm going through a lot of crap these days...[excuse my language.. haha just really sensitive to words I use..hahaaha] but I'm learning more than I can ever imagine in a million years! God has recently placed people who spoke real truth into my life, a very crucial and a genuine time a crisis! DEEP BREATH once again! Don't worry, hear we go again! Truth is treasure I believe! It's not always what you want to hear, neither is it always comforting or encouraging, but you can always tell that they somehow leads to hope and makes you stronger in the end. It's shocking and can be really astounding but it always seem like a remedy that heals, at least that what it really should be. By this I don't mean to completely lose yourself in standing for what you believe in but I genuinely think that there's definitely a place for being receptive and being teacheable. I think a lot of times, that's how our Father heals. I love it!

Upon commenting on my blog, my good friend Harry reminded me to always taking time to look for good things in people when learning to love them. I propose that it is a very selfless act, and to look for Jesus in them especially when they seem unlovable. I like how this is teaching me a practical way of loving others as 'myself', the 2nd of the greatest commandment of all!! It's such a awesome calling isn't it! haha :D

Isaiah 53: 1-3
1 Who has believed our message

and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?

2 He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

3 He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

When we look upon Jesus, and begin to lose ourselves in Him, people around us may seem different to us after all. Our family, our friends, our co-workers. Jesus was selfless. I think it is the most compelling factor for me to be excited to actually get down and dirty and be like him.

"The start of something New ! "

2008-11-16T14:28:00.000-08:00

So what is l-o-v-e? We always think about the world view on it and indulge ourselves to understand it the way our friends, co-coworkers, family do. Perhaps most of the time, we don't even bother to even pause a bit to do anything about it, because it's such a big investment of all that we have. Time, energy, vulnerability, you name it! BUT the biggest universal problem here seems to be the underlying question of: Is this person worthy of my love? Trust me, it sounds really shallow and I know it but honestly isn't this exactly the VERY first reaction that quietly unfolds in our hearts whenever we're faced with the decision.

Then I ask myself, how do you do it?

I know I struggle with this dilemma all the time! I'm sure no expert at this, but in my daily struggle of not knowing how to love people around me and neither feeling loved myself, I can't help but struggle my way back to Jesus and His Cross, the full expression of LOVE. Sometime with my face drowned in tears, I'd still be like: ' WOW!! The Bid guy's for REAL!" It's been a real battle but it's never meant for us to do it alone. I was FINALLY reminded of this truth when talking to Daniel and Evelyn today. I'm so grateful for them! haha :) We need God, even though sometimes, we are so focused on our own circumstances, that we are led to think that "it's OK" to go through it alone, and that's exactly when we've realized we've dug a whole for ourselves. And then we're just like, dang, I'm Stuck. Where do I go from here? 'Letting Go' and 'Humbling Ourselves' is something I am getting to know more intimately about in these days as I am constantly reminded to humbly and gratefully receive love from God and to freely give love to one another because Jesus has first loved us. Frankly speaking, they're such difficult truths to live out yet their so fundamental at the same time! Don't you think?

On a slightly different note, I'm going through some BIG CHANGE! Deeeep Breathhhh!:D Learning to embrace the BAD DAYS and trials of life definitely marks "the start of something new!" -HSM 1, wohooo!

Cheers <3

I'm back Again!

2008-11-15T22:43:00.000-08:00

You cannot imagine how thankful, excited, and glad I am to start blogging again! It's been a LONGWHILE...and I mean a LONGWHILE! haha.. First it was xanga, but as I've begun to adopt a new connection with google mail, I thought why not a change. :P This is actually not my first blog account. But long story short, the lack of commitment before has led me to leave blogging at the 'old' account for a long time. BUT, here I am again, ready to dive into life's thick and thin with you all again and pouring out whatever I can, to hopefully connect, excite, entertain, disgust, comfort or make some of you who have decided to drop by shed a little tears*. haha

Anyway, do drop by! But that's all for now! Church tmr! :D ciao!