So.....

It is true.
There is currently a lot at stake culturally, socially, mentally, locally, provincially, nationally and beyond.

But after listening to this sermon by Eric Ludy, I cannot help but feel the mixed of emotions of feeling shocked, defensive, convicted and a bit frazzled.  Calling ourselves the dumbest generation can sound harsh to many of us. I just sent this video for a friend from CCF and he had an opinion that that the sermon lacked a bit of focus. Ludy used a very specific angle to look at what it meant to live out God's kingdom and his preaching style is quite strong too. However I believe that the spirit of trust in Christ will reveal what is true for us to live by. This sermon strikes a cord with me personally and even though I do feel a bit of anxiety about this struggles we are facing in the generation,  I want to do something about it.

I am determined to believe that CHANGE can happen.

I hope God will slowly reveal more insight to me! I am excited for what He is going to do!

It has been a while since I've realized that it is okay to be weak :) That is the whole point of being a Christian. Christian leadership is lonely, the Christian walk at times is just as lonely as leading, because when there is people, there is conflict. But still we never cease to learn to humble ourselves and sacrifice for one another out of the abundant love God is not withholding from His dear children. For those of you who are in Ministry, I think your soul can resonate. God told us in His Word to not cease to do good in His eyes even when gets hard. God speaks.

NOT just any name :)

HE IS.

JEHOVAH - ROHI = The is Lord is my Shepherd :)

TO-DO List this summer

- unit planning (French - Enriched)
  - lesson planning

- work/save up in July
- get my licence (all the Gs) :D
- Knowing God more
- be humble
- be patient
- be open-minded
- take baby steps in a life time investment of deepening my faith
- never skip steps in the lessons that need to be learned
- masterlife
-

HUMILITY :)

Am I living under His power today or am I resisting His power?

There is more :) There has to be more...

I am so humbled as I write this but Daddy has been graciously prying through me as I struggle through my journey to getting to know Him more. Here we go :)
The gravity of His holiness and justice is so great and the extent to which He wants to be in relationship with mankind is just as great.
There is hope with mankind to be restored even though sin has entered this world. God's plan has never changed.:) From the book of Ezekiel onward, there are only a few books left until the Old Testament ends. It isn't too far from the arrival of the Messiah. Exciting. God's decision of having Jesus come though could seem senseless probably from the point of views of many during the time when the Bible was written I would think. The unrepentant hearts of the people in the Old Testament should have caused even more wrath from God, let alone send Jesus to come. The Israelites experienced God's severe punishment throughout the book of Ezekiel. They were cast out of their lands and destroyed. What blows my mind though is that He didn't continue pouring His wrath onto them and neither does He remain angry with us. I noticed that there is always this pattern of punishment and restoration in each chapter of the book. I believe that God uses this pattern to illustrate His heart to us. This is TRULY God's heart. <3

No one would think that it is wrong if God did not send Jesus to come. A normal life is good. To think that anyone would come and flip their lives upside down would be too much. I know I would feel uncomfortable.

That is exactly what Jesus did though. His birth, His life, His death, His resurrection. Changed the course of human history :) Boom!

As radical as it is that Jesus came, lived, died and resurrected in three days to heal us and ultimately restore our relationship with God, what IF we can become a channel of God's restoration in lives around us through the power of His Holy Spirit? What IF we can start living or continue living not merely to not sin but live under His power everyday? What IF we can start to live to clothe the orphans and widows, to humble ourselves so our broken relationships with people can be restored? What IF we can love people to Christ? What IF sin doesn't have to be a threat to us? What IF we could bring God's kingdom from Heaven here on earth? WHAT IF...?

I really love how the book of Ecclesiates says that we should enjoy the fruit of our labour and every that life brings us in its season. Yet it also says that we do these things because life is vanity and there is nothing new under the sun (meaning below heaven and in our daily lives) BUT Jesus's radical arrival to this earth proves something else. "He's creating something new under the sun." - Mike Lau

A new kingdom is coming. There is a new culture beginning to enfold here where all things are being redeemed to its natural harmony with God. :) This is really an exciting vision ! I believe His kingdom is here already. :D

Still thinking through this but totally amazed! Don't worry, tears and snot are not coming out yet! heheee =)
Stay tuned for more!

He is an amazing God! =)

What a start of a year! It blows my mind to have been able to see God as God, nothing less, as He continues to bring me through this journey of adulthood.

I honestly don't know where to start. All I know is that nothing beats being able to truly bask in His presence all the days in a lifetime. A truly beautiful vision. And I do not want to and cannot be silent about it.

One of my favourite books are the Psalms. If you know me, I can be the most emotional person you can ever meet it's crazy hahaha :D That's why I feel a very special connection with this book. Please enjoy :)

Psalm 30:11-12
You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,
that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

The beginning of a new adventure :) How is your walk? Let's walk :)

As many of you know, Korea ended up passing for me this year. I am still physically in Toronto, the uneasiness has finally as I succumbed to understanding His greater plan for me and I begin to have peace with staying here. As scary uncertainty is and will be :P I know that it is God calling me to step out in faith anyway. Breath of relief. :)

Just this past Tuesday at the vocation workshop held at Grace, my overwhelming wave of shock, disbelief, expectations, anxiety have finally settled its way into a peaceful understanding that He is truly and was truly and will truly always be my All in All. The night was basically finding people in the same profession and share about experiences and insights. The room was split into to four smaller sections in the Arts Field. I was a bit skeptical at first, worrying that it would be another shallow exchange of professional struggles without reaching a conclusion to any of them. How wrong was I? Everyone shared openly to each other the hardest things they need to face when it comes to how to pleasing God at work. A great experience.

Relationships is also a big thing I am learning. There's a lot of challenges when learning an art as grand as this. Love. We cannot go by handling relationships without at least a bit of love. I'm challenged to say a lot of love. :) I'm learning and it's comforting as He reminds me to walk humbly with Him and ready to put others before my own needs. I'm not there yet but I'm glad there is such a faithful and loving God humbling me each step of the way. He is the very definition of love and His is there. Understanding more of how unworthy of His love I am in my battles of sin, I am compelled to treasure every act of love I can show to those He has brought in my life. Thanks Father. More on Love. Stay tuned. :)

Job hunting and being a home with so much time in my hands gets mundane and a little lonely sometimes. I realized I am not quite used to having so much time in my hands. Sigh. It has also been really hard at home recently and dealing with my mom. God luck Phila lol which adds on to the loneliness 10, 20 fold! Father, create in me a new heart that You fill it with the fullness of your Joy (Nehemiah 8) In Jesus's holy and powerful name, Amen.

I know is exactly what He has called me to work through.

Faith tells me I will not fall no matter how trying this season of my life is because He is with me. :) Let's GO :)

And koodos to my smallgroup at NT! I see truly community here! I LOVE IT! Thanks for being community to me and the most tangible channel of support and familial love and for bearing with my crazy having 5000 friends on Facebook. It's still a lie Kwan! haha It I love you guys and want to grown more with you! I'm excited!

A companion verse recently :) LOVE IT!

7 For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.

8 Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord or of me His prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel according to the power of God.

2 Timothy 1:7 (NASB)

How is your walk? Let's walk :)

He's leading me :)

(written on Aug 21, 2011)

So as I have been reminded a hand full of times now that I've disappeared and should do some sort of update soon, I've realized how much I miss update you with every typing of word on the keyboard, hehe. Besides that, I have the desire to share and fellowship with what God has been doing in my life recently.

Ready? Here we gooooooo! :)
Since last September, God has begun His adventure in my life of becoming what I feel He has been calling me to be. As I settled into Teacher's College this past school year in London, ON, I follow my heart and all my gut feelings to be the best teacher candidate I could be. One thing I've missed and to this day, being totally humbled is how much I've neglected God in the process. I missed the best thing. I missed seeing how good God has been to me throughout this whole process.

Yet God, despite my lack of gratitude, lack of faith and my pettiness many a times, I recalled moments of great mercies He had so graciously shown me. In the end of it all, I was broken. So broken that God had to show me how broken I was by bringing me to numerous points of failures in my placements/ school practicum. I realized from hindsight that my mind entering teacher`s college was simply to get a good result and start on a great and stable job WOW AND then earn a lot of money. It's still kind of scares me looking into my own heart right now and realizing that it was what I very much so desired during my 9 months of studies at uwo. I became spiritually depressed yet at the same time too prideful of my abilities and talent that I was defensive towards God telling me to let go of this pride. I honestly did not bother to listen to God because realizing my own ambitions and goals seems more important to me at that time. That literally and vividly separated myself from God. I saw myself withdrawal myself from His presence. My school year did not at all turn out the way I expected it to be nor as pleasant of a result that all graduates would want it to be. However, He re-defined success for me and He taught to value Him more than anything in this world because true life is in Him alone.

Right after my final practicum in London, ON, I had a long talk with my practicum Director and Associate Dean and they addressed the struggles I had for the past year of studies at their Teacher`s College. Trust me, those 2 weeks of practicum leading on to that meeting were 2 of the longest weeks of my life! :) At the end of my meeting, by His grace, they were able to write me a letter of reference for my future endeavors.

This summer has definitely be a blessed time reconciling and reconnecting and re-investing in broken relationships and building deeper and more meaningful relationships with others - most my family. I am full of gratitude recalling how far God has restorations relationships in my family and providing me a true bundle of hope in continuing to spread His steadfast love to each person. I have been on and off with camp these past 2 months so when I don`t work, it is very relaxing! I have been learning to really save up! PTL! It`s actually not bad just not as fun as desired hehehe :) I have been doing camp right beneath an animal hospital as well with grade school kids and domestic animals! That is loads of work and energy used but LOADS of fun! We`ve been to horse farms, the Pawsway at Harbourfront (Pets Show Cafe), the Humane Society, watched small surgeries at animal hospitals (yes :) ), a dog wellness rehab centre and a lot more! So blessed :)

God has also blessed me with a prospective ESL teaching job in Korea when I began my application last March. Yet I need to wait until next week to hear back from them where they decide whether they've found a position for me or not. So this coming week is going to be critical, hopefully not sleepless! I'm nervous! haha... as much as I`ve had hopes up to the top for going to a different country, let alone ASIA :D, I know that it is all according to His great purpose and perfect plan. I need to (get used to) and learn to graciously receive God redirecting me from plans I've set out for myself. There has been so much sorrow being humbled by God to pursue Him with a single heart and mind and nothing of this world but when we realize that we are already a part of eternity right now, then it is the way we should desire to live every single day.

ISAIAH

Recently the book of Isaiah has been lingering on the idea of curses and woes. It nearly reaches the 30th chapter and yet it still calls Jerusalem and Ephraim out on their rebellion, blindness and disobedience. It seems to be a long period of darkness and pain for the reader to read through the history of the Israelites' disobedience against God and the suffering the righteous people had to experience as a result of their rebellion. As believers, we (at least I did) may ask where is God's deliverance in this chaos? Why are those who are holding onto God's righteousness not delivered? Why do their act of trust in God does never seems to be enough for God to do something?? Where is God's deliverance?

Hope and restoration awaits the rebellious Israelites as they about to receive grace and mercy from the living God in the later chapters in the book. This seeming delayed response of God calls for perseverance for God's righteous and choosing His wisdom and laying down one's own. It calls on patiently waiting on God. Strength will rise for each one that will faithfully wait on His deliverance.It has definitely and continues to be a season of dry lands and curses and woes as I crave for godliness in my surroundings. I am not sure what I can do without resolving to running on my own strengths and will. How can I become a true monument of His grace through every action when all I see sometimes are darts being throw to His name. How do I deal with a faint heart that have seen this extremely this tainted world. I am definitely excited to read on.

'' Inasmuch as these people draw near with their mouths And honour Me with their lips, But have removed their hearts far from Me, and their fear toward Me is taught by the commandments of men, Therefore, behold, I will again do a marvelous work Among this people, A marvelous work and a wonder, For the wisdom of their wise men shall perish, and the understanding of their prudent men shall be hidden.''

Isaiah 29:13,14

A challenge becoming an opportunity

Challenges upon challenges, is this what life on earth is just about? All I know that I know is that my life in Teacher`s College at UWO right now has been ringing well with one too many of these. Challenges. Time and time again I find myself battling against the waves of despair that rises higher over me, telling me I am going to fail and this time it will crush me. People find it hard to see through my sugar coating shell. My profs, my mentor teachers, my advisors and even my friends in the program. But the matter of fact is that I am afraid when I know for the very first time that I might not have what it takes to pass my program and find my dream career. The challenge of professional school finally hit me when I realized that it is no longer undergrad.

Things have not been rainbows and unicorn at all with practicum, frankly speaking, but I am currently waiting longingly for my practicum -redo- in May (3 weeks), then another one, (supposed to be my last one assuming I pass the one in May. :)

Having been so challenged for 2 previous practicum already. How do I proceed with confidence?

I have been encouraged by numerous barnabases to shift my eye of thinking - I had to start thinking of every challenge as from God no matter how dark the path may seem and how absent in the circumstance God may appear to be.

I had to start thinking of every challenge as an opportunity to grow because they are difficulties that make us stronger in the end.

9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
‎2 Cor 12:9

I have been overwhelmed with work and frustrated with various unjust situations my programs has put my friends through and yet again, His grace has carried me to the understanding that injustice is the result of a society today that does not know God. Yet God knows His sheep. Amidst discouragements knowing the contempt earthly masters can have in the real world, I believe in the ultimate master that hold everything together. He is just, loving and trustworthy. That is simply all I need to know.

Thank you for reading ;)

Your Love Never Fails -Chris Quilala / Jesus Culture

Food for Thought.

"Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical and expecting more than others think is possible."

Howard Schultz

Knowing Him as Baruch

Happy Boxing Day 2010 everyone!

I really haven't loved to be home so much as these Christmas Holidays! December 2010 is a time I will remember, truly reminise about years after because it's been that much of a blessing. Dad in Heaven, thank You! <3

It's already half way the bench mark of my program in London. UWO Education Program at Althouse, frankly not what I'm most fond of, but God has been more then merciful throughout the course of my studies and LABOURING practicums (seriously labouring) the past 4 months. wow :)

God has put me through and in discomfort, living with different people and working under countless authorities to show me how good He REALLY IS. It's one of the most grateful things this holiday season to realize that! What highlight! :D The downside of this would be having hopelessly and bitterly wallowed in ungratefulness and homesickness for over one month before coming back to T.O. God had so graciously comforted me the moment I stepped foot home, reminding me of what is truly important in my life. Just last Wed. I met up with Pastor Sarah from New Hope Church in downtown Toronto (the most life giving and heart pouring transparent godly conversations I've ever had seriously <3>

I shared about reading a called 'Faith Enough to Finish - by Jill Briscoe'. I explained to her about how my life resembled defeat more than victory in Him because I have let the devil take hold of my life and He's been trampling ALL OVER it at the weakest moments in my life of these 4 months in London. Being in close proximity with certain people can be very tough, but as I experienced all that, I found myself full of excuses for waddling hopeless despair rather than asking God for help . Like Baruch in the book of Jeremiah in the Bible, in my mind honestly, I subconsciously gave up on believing that God even existed in my poor circumstances let alone fight the devil. In the book it quoted that 'we would rather live in defeat rather than asking God for help.' Pastor Sarah reminded of which completely began to change how I approached my faith. She said: ' To live is to know God'. It is to understand the possibility to life only through the work and presence of His Holy Spirit. what it means to allow our old self to be crucified with Christ and have Christ's life shine through you. Christ's life aught not to shine through only on glorious Sundays but everyday of following Him. I have been living in defeat for the longest time 2 months ago, self-righteously working out ways to be a blessing to extremely difficult people. My past mentality of being a blessing had been to force myself to love without God who is the full embodiment of love from the BEGINNING. I was reminded that I aught to decrease so that God can increase as He loves through me. I have to let go even of my intentions to love my roomate and let God's plan unfold. I don't know what He does until He does it so because love is a commandment for me only to glorify Him, I need to ONLY be a channel of His love to whoever God has placed in my life at a given time as my neighbour. My trap and I'm sure it is for most of us selfishly ambitious people is to do great things through God but it's wrong. Us fulfilling ourselves is heresy. What God wants more than anything is for Him to do great things through us. It is His heart and mind we adopt. Not our own.

The journey of seeing God's hand in this is detrimental but it is more than a blessing to finally understand what it means when (God says) do not fear for I am with you; do not be afraid for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

- Isaiah 41:10

I'm beginning to know Him.

what a timely reminder to be thankful, to reflect on hope, on freedom. This is what this season is about it! Thankful, hopeful and free because of what Jesus came to do.

Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year 2011 everyone!!! :)

Amazing things God promises to His people in Psalm 145

.a life of praise as a lifelong response to a relentlessly loving God. This is the way He loves us.

Psalm 145

A Praise of David.

¹ I will extol You, my God, O King;
And I will bless Your name forever and ever.
² Every day I will bless You,
And I will praise Your name forever and ever.
³ Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised;
And His greatness is unsearchable.

⁴ One generation shall praise Your works to another,
And shall declare Your mighty acts.
⁵ I^{a]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]} will meditate on the glorious splendor of Your majesty,
And on Your wondrous works.^{b]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[b]}
⁶ Men shall speak of the might of Your awesome acts,
And I will declare Your greatness.
⁷ They shall utter the memory of Your great goodness,
And shall sing of Your righteousness.

⁸ The LORD is gracious and full of compassion,
Slow to anger and great in mercy.
⁹ The LORD is good to all,
And His tender mercies are over all His works.

¹⁰ All Your works shall praise You, O LORD,
And Your saints shall bless You.
¹¹ They shall speak of the glory of Your kingdom,
And talk of Your power,
¹² To make known to the sons of men His mighty acts,
And the glorious majesty of His kingdom.
¹³ Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
And Your dominion endures throughout all generations.^{c]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[c]}

¹⁴ The LORD upholds all who fall,
And raises up all who are bowed down.
¹⁵ The eyes of all look expectantly to You,
And You give them their food in due season.
¹⁶ You open Your hand
And satisfy the desire of every living thing.

¹⁷ The LORD is righteous in all His ways,
Gracious in all His works.
¹⁸ The LORD is near to all who call upon Him,
To all who call upon Him in truth.
¹⁹ He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him;
He also will hear their cry and save them.
²⁰ The LORD preserves all who love Him,
But all the wicked He will destroy.
²¹ My mouth shall speak the praise of the LORD,
And all flesh shall bless His holy name
Forever and ever.

a late afternoon reflection amidst the third snow day in London in 4 years

i saw a glimpse of eternity today. it was hopeful. that is why i decided to reproduce this journal entry to this blog of mine, of which i have subconsciously neglected for awhile.

I literally sat in front of my laptop today and Jaeson Ma's phrase on passion suddenly came to me again since 2 weeks ago when I heard Him speak. It was along the lines 'If my passion is not worth dying for, it is not worth living for.'

I knew it struck a cord in my heart, a thick one. I knew God was talking about my relationships and my desire to see reconciliation in my life and in this world. Not only that but seeing relationships being rebuilt and more new ones being built. I know I'm far from being perfect but I know that You are my God (Levitcus 20:24)and you will protect me whenever I take on any challenge You are blessing me with. I love what you can do in them midst of situations, circumstances, and in people when I obey to step out in faith, not fully seeing the end picture of it all. I want to rest not knowing but trusting that you've already answered and made the best decision for your beloved; You have conquered Satan in my situation at the cross. '⁷For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.' 2 Timothy 1:7 (NASB)
May this be a reminder Lord. May this attitude of obedience be in me as a witness to all of who I live for and what I live for. Let my life always claim victory over fear by Your spirit and bypass it like on eagles' wings (Isaiah 40:31). I trust You.

My Recent LAMENT

I'm on the brink on starting another school year, probably the last school I will have for a while. Just want to jot some sentimental and mindful thoughts down. Here we go..
TEST. wow. nearly never has it been a year that was THIS trying and difficult before, but God chose to have 2009-2010 school year to be the year and not to mention, continuing! When will it end is what I'm thinking to myself? :P

How do I deal with this inner turmoil that my exhausted heart and mind is suffocating in but completely unable to comprehend. The Psalms have been helpful especially Psalm 73 which talks very explicitly God's vindication for those who chooses to live righteously rather than wickedly, but this truth is very slow in connecting with not just my mind but especially my dear heart I find. SIGH.

Faith is being pushed to the limits even more so because it is the only thing now that is still there when nothing else seems to be a testimony of His goodness, His faithfulness and even His power. Now I haven't been speaking like this for a long time, but as I continue to collect my every thoughts at the moment, this is a great lament I know.
It is very hard to sense that God is good, faithful, just, powerful or ever in control when there seems to be a lack of regard for each other in people close me - it's exactly what's happening right now amongst my family; I feel like when we don't care to show love to one another, God is being totally ignored because He is love in character. Don't get me wrong, my emphasis is not being perfect loving because only God Himself can do that. Yet it is on the mere lack of concern of working towards loving people close to us. It feels cold all of a sudden, the lack of love, care, consideration, patience, gentleness and faithfulness. My heart is very tired. Why am I the only one who sees the need of LOVING EACH OTHER in my family? WHY? I feel that my family from my mom to sister to me, we all lack the sense of love but (excuse my harshness) my mom seems to be too internally paralyzed by self-centredness and contaminated by a pluralistic mind (- the lack of regards for the Source of Life) that it really seems like she only cares to love herself. It indeed affect us, especially my sister because she's not grown up yet and can't even understand till later. What do I do? :P

I pray that God will come and save as He has in the past every time!


12 For He will deliver the needy when he cries,
The poor also, and him who has no helper.
13 He will spare the poor and needy,
And will save the souls of the needy.
14 He will redeem their life from oppression and violence;
And precious shall be their blood in His sight.

Psalm 72:12-14 (A true fuel recently as I AM in dire need of every bit of it from HIM!) ;)