From "The Jesus I Never Knew" - Philip Yancey


What amazes me about this book is not it's deep theological abstractions, even though its merits are rightfully in place, but it's the personal relationship I am able to observe between him and God as he writes through continuously discovering things about Jesus he didn't know before; characterized by doubts and frustrations expressed through event's of his own life or of others. Reading this book, (having one more chapter to go only), makes me think about my life and question myself if I courageously grip onto my existing relationship with God, facing Him upfront, dialogging with Him and re-discovering who He is, even in my greatest hardships in life, like Yancey himself, Job and Tolsoy, Luther, Lewis... or do I just spiritually shrink back in my own, narrow little mind --> self-pity? Here we see Jesus making his relationship with His Father Centre from life to the point of death, even as 'His time has come.'

Humility
It makes my heart ache and frustrates me when thinking about humility because of my recent realization of its true superiority that's so hard to live out, but senses that comes from my deep desire to know it intimately and to learn to live it out transparently. Much of this conviction and realization comes from understanding Jesus in this book. Much of what defines Jesus is true humility who lived it out perfectly --> His boldness and determined acts of install his kingdom in flipping upside down the jewish religious system of the Sanhedrins and his vulnerability on the cross (not saving Himself from being crucified) that created a place of forgiveness and that had given a clearer view on what His kingdom is truly like. Ironically, it was the one of the 2 murderers crucified with Him that saw clearly of what it was like and what the whole Jesus coming down to earth was all about, therefore, were one of the very few that responded the most properly to Jesus's purpose on earth.

ch 10
pg 203

" Thieves crucified on either side of Jesus showed two possibles responses. One mocked Jesus's powerlessness: A Messiah who can't even save himself? The other recognized a different kind of power. Taking the risk of faith,he asked Jesus to"remember me when you come into your kingdom.: No one else, except in mockery, had addressed Jesus as a king. The dying thief saw more clearly than anyone else the nature of Jesus's kingdom."

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Rivals with Hollywood

There's a new nationwide Christian movie that came out, called: The Secrets of Jonathan Sperry and during an interview with one of the actors Kirk Cameron (who's also starring in Hollywood Film Fireproof, who came to know Christ himself was asked if all the Hollywood's critiques against the Chrisitian Genre Films bother Him. "It used to bother me a lot more than it does now," he said. "I really don't care because I've come to a conviction in my own heart." [ABC News] What was astounding to me was hearing him also say in his interview that this conviction has led him to realize and believe that there's only a few people that he wants to please.

{more on the movie coming soon...}
That was powerful.
From all this, I see that true Humility is driven by a conviction from God and it drives us to place of willingness to work with what God is doing in people's lives. Not lagging behind, not jumping ahead, but humbly walking beside His Majesty and completely tuning in to what He is doing.
"I think that that's the most wonderful thing about doing the things that I like to do," he said. "Be a part of something God is doing to change the lives of other people." [Hollywood Actor - Kirk Cameron]

CAPTIVATED
with a child-like faith, a pursuit of Who He is of a life time :)
Always Father, always Lover

Not my righteousness but Yours - dying to myself

<sup>My heart has been the expression of this great verse! :)

8</sup> Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; ¹⁰ that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death..

Philippians 3:8-10 (NKJV)

after meeting up with carms and mike wong yesterday, talking and praying over cc stuff, the idea as 'worship coordinator' and what that role entails finally hit home. scary at first.

A day later today, the idea 'dying to myself' hit me even more greatly. it was time to humble myself as i began realizing that God is looking straight through me. He knew that one of my greatest weaknesses has always been myself. don't get me wrong. i do realize it's something we all struggle with frankly. when God asks us to 'pick up our cross and following Him,' the battle with the self has already begun.

Allow me to share with you though. I'd tried many a times in the past including this time serving for cc to rely on my own goodness, pleasing people, my own self - righteousness to get the job done. Heart totally misplaced. It hit home real Hard.

pain is being felt right now as He painfully tears down my "impurity of heart" and the "thirst and hunger of self- righteousness" before He will begin to build good and fitting qualities to be his servant. Yet what I'm extremely thankful is that amidst the pain, I feel like I have become mindful of this God which helps commit to following hard after him no matter what he's tearing away from me.

knowing full well my strong and deep desire for excellence and righteousness in Him, He has in turn reminded me that there's no righteousness in me apart from the righteousness Christ's blood has redeemed me with. Therefore even light of excellence, there's none of that what so ever that can be strive for apart from conform to having faith in Him and humbly dying to myself allowing Him to lead me into excellence.

As I begged God to help me collect my thoughts and emotions, i felt enabled to connect with these really feelings of stress, fear, insecurities, lack of faith, pride, selfish ambitions, negativity I had in my heart. I felt a sense of peace and I prayed to lose my heart in order to gain His.

it's time to lay them down

Entering into God's presence has always been JOY at its purest form for me. nothing that trump that. nothing. as I did devos these past 2 weeks in between or prior to my studying sessions, God has revealed Himself to me in new and quite the challenging ways; given His full knowledge of I have been facing recently. boy He knows! :P

¹⁰ "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom,
and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

Proverbs 9:10 (NIV)

I was sharing with a friend today about me asking God for wisdom and discernment. as I was saying these words and feeling a sense of pride that I'm getting my hands dirty and ready to learn to live IN this world although I'm not OF it, I knew deep inside, my desire for those virtues fell short of solely wanting them for His glory, more like to please men. I was like wow. I knew that God knew this weakness of mine and He gave me real reality check of where He was in my life. I found my confidence being misplaced. from Him to this world; my friends, myself, etc. Characteristics as good as those can with a flick of dust turn into pure idolatry when it becomes for selfish gain instead of for the glory of God. It's so easy to get away with the excuse that it is for the sake of unity and making peace with friends and fellow brother and sisters. Yet exuding anything that is centred around anything apart from God Alone is idolatry. And when we make an idol out of anything : even godly virtues such as these, is still SIN. God also clearly said He is a jealous God who hates sin and idols our nature that are constantly made to satisfy the comfort of our human nature. comfort. Does this even occur to you as a real problem?

I have been asking myself.

Am I alive everyday for God?

Or am I living in this world but becoming OF this world as well?

During devos this week, God has showed me that wisdom to deal with this world I'm living in is nothing apart from being centred around learning to giving all my respect for His name first. As wisdom initially came from God Himself, the wisest person whose heart seeks to please him or herself, in turn can only be the greatest fool in the eyes of God, is he/she not? To be more bold, {how can he/she not be in all contexts?} When we allow ourselves to become more familiar with who God is and are willing to let Him conform our hearts to whatever He pleases, won't we then come to realize that we are nothing apart from Him? And never will be. However, have we also realized that the world has allured us into thinking that He is nothing apart from Us. Have we made ourselves god. and molding Him in to our own images? Can you face God upfront right now and say that you haven't? I have. and it is precisely why I felt I had to post this today. Like me, if you have, then let me ask you again, then why do you confess, keep singing and declaring that 'we live for your glory God' BEFORE acknowledging these sins and brokenness to Him first?

Are we still negotiating with Him about how we are going live our lives according to our worldly wisdom or are we willing to start to pay attention to our own brokenness in order to work out our salvation.

REAL REALITY CHECK. God being the very Centre of reality.

Recent Battles -

yes! to finally posting again.

Have you ever felt that you've been enjoying the process of reaching milestones after milestones of growth until one day things quickly go downhill and before you know it, you're back on day 1. arghhh.. Yes I have been battling with so many of my weaknesses (money! I suck at that :P) being relatively materialistically high maintenance, i humbly have to admit that either I don't spend money, but when i do, it's usually on nice things that are expensive to be most direct :P It's truly humbling and sobering these couple of days when I realized that I'm serious broke.I cannot be more serious!! arghh..not good! People usually know when I'm embarrassed but this is really kinda tough to face. But the more I think about this struggle and why I'm struggling, an inkling sparked in me saying: "Keep fighting, the battle is not done yet." I knew it was God's voice; the same voice that was cheering on King David and strengthening him when he battled against his enemies.

I feel like I'm in the same boat as King David in 2 Samuel, battling against my greatest enemies. The whole book talks about the king being chased after by people that either envied Him, including his son or friends that him or Saul had once offended. He had to leave Jerusalem and escape from place to place. He has wounded the heart of God and betrayed people like Uriah that once respected him so much.

I'm far from physically finding myself in a battling field, :) but all the events that David faced in 2 Samuel described the roller coasters that has been going around in cirlces in my head. My soul felt like being chased after by weaknesses that I know I cannot battle on my own.

2 Samuel 19:2

And for the whole army the victory that day was turned into mourning, because on that day the troops heard it said, "The king is grieving for his son."

What can cause greater despair and grief than to lose a son. Every sense of victory stripped away and mourning came upon David. However in the rest of the chapters, you can see his change of heart and mind and begins to praise to God again when he battled. God did continue to be faithful in bringing him ultimate victory wherever he went; who turned his mourning into dancing and weakness into strength. This is encouraging because the same God is great in battle when I face my giant and enemies who will bring me victory wherever I need to fight. amen.

resting in grace...

missing dad :P

resting in grace..

having the time of my life getting to know who Jehovan Jireh, Jesus, Wonderful Counsellor, Mighty God, Healer, Shepherd, Lover is....

A grounded vision

So what is it? - it is a vision that motivated by 'who God is' [reality in its purest yet most macroscopic form]. It's always aimed and assured that it's followed through by the daily God-given means of reality. It is always guided by the daily whispers of God.

Thanks for those dear ones who know me as a true visionary, yet who've loved enough to always speak truth and have kept me grounded. :)

Thanks God.