My Recent LAMENT

I'm on the brink on starting another school year, probably the last school I will have for a while. Just want to jot some sentimental and mindful thoughts down. Here we go..
TEST. wow. nearly never has it been a year that was THIS trying and difficult before, but God chose to have 2009-2010 school year to be the year and not to mention, continuing! When will it end is what I'm thinking to myself? :P

How do I deal with this inner turmoil that my exhausted heart and mind is suffocating in but completely unable to comprehend. The Psalms have been helpful especially Psalm 73 which talks very explicitly God's vindication for those who chooses to live righteously rather than wickedly, but this truth is very slow in connecting with not just my mind but especially my dear heart I find. SIGH.

Faith is being pushed to the limits even more so because it is the only thing now that is still there when nothing else seems to be a testimony of His goodness, His faithfulness and even His power. Now I haven't been speaking like this for a long time, but as I continue to collect my every thoughts at the moment, this is a great lament I know.
It is very hard to sense that God is good, faithful, just, powerful or ever in control when there seems to be a lack of regard for each other in people close me - it's exactly what's happening right now amongst my family; I feel like when we don't care to show love to one another, God is being totally ignored because He is love in character. Don't get me wrong, my emphasis is not being perfect loving because only God Himself can do that. Yet it is on the mere lack of concern of working towards loving people close to us. It feels cold all of a sudden, the lack of love, care, consideration, patience, gentleness and faithfulness. My heart is very tired. Why am I the only one who sees the need of LOVING EACH OTHER in my family? WHY? I feel that my family from my mom to sister to me, we all lack the sense of love but (excuse my harshness) my mom seems to be too internally paralyzed by self-centredness and contaminated by a pluralistic mind (- the lack of regards for the Source of Life) that it really seems like she only cares to love herself. It indeed affect us, especially my sister because she's not grown up yet and can't even understand till later. What do I do? :P

I pray that God will come and save as He has in the past every time!


12 For He will deliver the needy when he cries,
The poor also, and him who has no helper.
13 He will spare the poor and needy,
And will save the souls of the needy.
14 He will redeem their life from oppression and violence;
And precious shall be their blood in His sight.

Psalm 72:12-14 (A true fuel recently as I AM in dire need of every bit of it from HIM!) ;)