He's leading me :)

(written on Aug 21, 2011)

So as I have been reminded a hand full of times now that I've disappeared and should do some sort of update soon, I've realized how much I miss update you with every typing of word on the keyboard, hehe. Besides that, I have the desire to share and fellowship with what God has been doing in my life recently.

Ready? Here we gooooooo! :)
Since last September, God has begun His adventure in my life of becoming what I feel He has been calling me to be. As I settled into Teacher's College this past school year in London, ON, I follow my heart and all my gut feelings to be the best teacher candidate I could be. One thing I've missed and to this day, being totally humbled is how much I've neglected God in the process. I missed the best thing. I missed seeing how good God has been to me throughout this whole process.

Yet God, despite my lack of gratitude, lack of faith and my pettiness many a times, I recalled moments of great mercies He had so graciously shown me. In the end of it all, I was broken. So broken that God had to show me how broken I was by bringing me to numerous points of failures in my placements/ school practicum. I realized from hindsight that my mind entering teacher`s college was simply to get a good result and start on a great and stable job WOW AND then earn a lot of money. It's still kind of scares me looking into my own heart right now and realizing that it was what I very much so desired during my 9 months of studies at uwo. I became spiritually depressed yet at the same time too prideful of my abilities and talent that I was defensive towards God telling me to let go of this pride. I honestly did not bother to listen to God because realizing my own ambitions and goals seems more important to me at that time. That literally and vividly separated myself from God. I saw myself withdrawal myself from His presence. My school year did not at all turn out the way I expected it to be nor as pleasant of a result that all graduates would want it to be. However, He re-defined success for me and He taught to value Him more than anything in this world because true life is in Him alone.

Right after my final practicum in London, ON, I had a long talk with my practicum Director and Associate Dean and they addressed the struggles I had for the past year of studies at their Teacher`s College. Trust me, those 2 weeks of practicum leading on to that meeting were 2 of the longest weeks of my life! :) At the end of my meeting, by His grace, they were able to write me a letter of reference for my future endeavors.

This summer has definitely be a blessed time reconciling and reconnecting and re-investing in broken relationships and building deeper and more meaningful relationships with others - most my family. I am full of gratitude recalling how far God has restorations relationships in my family and providing me a true bundle of hope in continuing to spread His steadfast love to each person. I have been on and off with camp these past 2 months so when I don`t work, it is very relaxing! I have been learning to really save up! PTL! It`s actually not bad just not as fun as desired hehehe :) I have been doing camp right beneath an animal hospital as well with grade school kids and domestic animals! That is loads of work and energy used but LOADS of fun! We`ve been to horse farms, the Pawsway at Harbourfront (Pets Show Cafe), the Humane Society, watched small surgeries at animal hospitals (yes :) ), a dog wellness rehab centre and a lot more! So blessed :)

God has also blessed me with a prospective ESL teaching job in Korea when I began my application last March. Yet I need to wait until next week to hear back from them where they decide whether they've found a position for me or not. So this coming week is going to be critical, hopefully not sleepless! I'm nervous! haha... as much as I`ve had hopes up to the top for going to a different country, let alone ASIA :D, I know that it is all according to His great purpose and perfect plan. I need to (get used to) and learn to graciously receive God redirecting me from plans I've set out for myself. There has been so much sorrow being humbled by God to pursue Him with a single heart and mind and nothing of this world but when we realize that we are already a part of eternity right now, then it is the way we should desire to live every single day.