Happy Boxing Day 2010 everyone!
I really haven't loved to be home so much as these Christmas Holidays! December 2010 is a time I will remember, truly reminise about years after because it's been that much of a blessing. Dad in Heaven, thank You! <3
It's already half way the bench mark of my program in London. UWO Education Program at Althouse, frankly not what I'm most fond of, but God has been more then merciful throughout the course of my studies and LABOURING practicums (seriously labouring) the past 4 months. wow :)
God has put me through and in discomfort, living with different people and working under countless authorities to show me how good He REALLY IS. It's one of the most grateful things this holiday season to realize that! What highlight! :D The downside of this would be having hopelessly and bitterly wallowed in ungratefulness and homesickness for over one month before coming back to T.O. God had so graciously comforted me the moment I stepped foot home, reminding me of what is truly important in my life. Just last Wed. I met up with Pastor Sarah from New Hope Church in downtown Toronto (the most life giving and heart pouring transparent godly conversations I've ever had seriously <3>
I shared about reading a called 'Faith Enough to Finish - by Jill Briscoe'. I explained to her about how my life resembled defeat more than victory in Him because I have let the devil take hold of my life and He's been trampling ALL OVER it at the weakest moments in my life of these 4 months in London. Being in close proximity with certain people can be very tough, but as I experienced all that, I found myself full of excuses for waddling hopeless despair rather than asking God for help . Like Baruch in the book of Jeremiah in the Bible, in my mind honestly, I subconsciously gave up on believing that God even existed in my poor circumstances let alone fight the devil. In the book it quoted that 'we would rather live in defeat rather than asking God for help.' Pastor Sarah reminded of which completely began to change how I approached my faith. She said: ' To live is to know God'. It is to understand the possibility to life only through the work and presence of His Holy Spirit. what it means to allow our old self to be crucified with Christ and have Christ's life shine through you. Christ's life aught not to shine through only on glorious Sundays but everyday of following Him. I have been living in defeat for the longest time 2 months ago, self-righteously working out ways to be a blessing to extremely difficult people. My past mentality of being a blessing had been to force myself to love without God who is the full embodiment of love from the BEGINNING. I was reminded that I aught to decrease so that God can increase as He loves through me. I have to let go even of my intentions to love my roomate and let God's plan unfold. I don't know what He does until He does it so because love is a commandment for me only to glorify Him, I need to ONLY be a channel of His love to whoever God has placed in my life at a given time as my neighbour. My trap and I'm sure it is for most of us selfishly ambitious people is to do great things through God but it's wrong. Us fulfilling ourselves is heresy. What God wants more than anything is for Him to do great things through us. It is His heart and mind we adopt. Not our own.
The journey of seeing God's hand in this is detrimental but it is more than a blessing to finally understand what it means when (God says) do not fear for I am with you; do not be afraid for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
- Isaiah 41:10I'm beginning to know Him.
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